


Rise of the Fallout

by H0mestuck_trash



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Blood, Cheating, Death, Domestic Violence, Drug Abuse, Drug Use, F/F, F/M, Flashbacks, Gore, Graphic Description of Corpses, Gun Violence, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Life or Death Situations, M/M, Past Drug Addiction, Pregnancy, Relationship Issues, Self-Harm, Sexual Content, Suicide, Torture, Undead, Violence, Vivid nightmares, Zombiestuck, graphic description of death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-17
Updated: 2015-04-01
Packaged: 2018-02-25 19:30:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 42,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2633570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/H0mestuck_trash/pseuds/H0mestuck_trash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A bit of Zombiestuck? Had this idea stuck in my head for a few days and decided to see where this goes! Hope you enjoy</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

_You lean back into his chest while he tangles his fingers through the messy locks of your hair, and then seems to brush through them with ease. You're staring into the small dull tendrils of a weak fire that manages to keep you warm somehow. Or maybe it's just his body heat. The sounds and rhythm from each other's breath, the slow pops and cracks from the dry logs burning to ash in front of you are as comforting as it will get. You haven't felt this way in a while. Safe. At peace. Especially with him._

_\---_

_There were so many mistakes you had made. Why does he think you still deserve him? Why are you even thinking about this? He loves you. You say it to each other every morning. Every night. Before every outing to scavenge and after every life-threatening situation. You love him. Your decisions before don't matter now and it's time to face that. But... how? Right now you're tangled up in sheets with his back pressing into your chest and your hand still gripping onto his sweater like it was a lifeline of some sorts. If you wanted to get all emotional and metaphorical, it just could be your last thread to survival. You could even say that without the touch and feel of his skin or clothes, you wouldn't be here. But then there's the looks you see him give to his past love. No. His **first** love. How the Hell will you compete with that?_

_\---_

_You have fucked up. Really- you have really dug up your own grave to be pushed into and buried alive. How did this even happen? No. Don't ask that. You know exactly how it had happened. He knew you were jealous, and suspicious of your boyfriend. After all the hours, day's into months you had vented out to him. He took his chance, and you let him too. Thats the worst part though. You had wanted him to. How many hints had you dropped? How many time's had you openly flirted in front of your boyfriend to get him jealous and try to get him to show you, you were still his? It's a sad, fucked up life right now and you have no idea what to do with the pregnancy test in your hands either._

_\---_

_How long had it been? You had thought this to yourself countless time's today and the Sun is only just reaching the peak of noon. What started out as a supply run had turned into a death run. Now you were cornered in an old shabby house with your significant other, who's trying to keep positive. The road is full of those undead monsters and if you try and get to the hospital that might lead who knew how many back to your friend's safe haven. You feel the hands rubbing on your shoulders tense and a shaky voice say your name, followed by the creaking of the door giving out._

\---

_Maybe you shouldn't have said anything. Look at what you've done. You're causing what was such a beautiful relationship to fall and crumble at your palms all because you couldn't keep your mouth shut, and you didn't know how to let go of him. You admit it. You are greedy. You don't know how far is too far and end up having the result backlash onto you. You can tell it's not going to be that long until then either. He's beginning to distance himself from you, and you know exactly why. You crossed the line a long time ago, and he's finally realized it._


	2. Everything just went downhill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the first few chapters we get to see some background :)

Your name is Karkat Vantas. And right now you are probably the most moronic situation ever since High School. 

 

You are at the mall with a small tidy group of friend's. Nothing special. Just a group of young adults enjoying some time walking around and hanging out. At least it would have been enjoyable if you weren't practically third wheeling for not one, but two dates. That's right. You're being third wheeled by your friend Meenah with her girlfriend Aranea, and your best friend Dave with his girlfriend Jade.

 

 **"Right Shoutkat?"** Meenah is prodding your side and gesturing a hand to Aranea, who was in a short blue dress with black laced sleeves. The two were getting ready and dressed up for meeting Meenah's mother, and Aranea insisted she should buy a dress to try and giv  a good impression that she at least had a good fashion sense. And Jade decided that for the Hell of it, she should get a dress too.

 

 **"She looks no different than before. It's a fucking dress, why would you need my opinion? It's not _my_ mom that's she's meeting."** He heard a sigh come from Dave, who was next to him holding two bags in one hand. You and Dave had been friend's since eighth grade. You had your squabbles; a lot. But you knew you could trust him with your life, and he felt the same with you.

 

 **"Kitkat,"** You hated that nickname since Senior year.  **"I think you're comin' off a bit harsh. I think, personally, Aranea looked better in the miniskirt with the V-neck."** He gave a charming grin, and fistbumped Meenah above your head. She snickered as Aranea blushed and tugged at the edges of the dress. She murmured something under her breath you couldn't hear but apparently the others could since they were now showering her in useless compliments. Dave said something about old ladies being into miniskirts, but you weren't really paying attention now.

 

Jade stepped out in a sweater dress. It was white, stopped just above her knee and had little snowflake prints at the edges of the sleeves and two small pockets at the bottom. You managed a brief smile before nudging Dave and turning his head to look at her. 

 

 **"Shit Harley. You look bangin'."** He stood up, dropping the bags on the  ground and walking up to her. Jade only gave a cheeky smile and kissed him. You heard a few whispers and they laughed while he twirled her around.  **"Damn am I lucky. You look amazing."** She did, and you nodded in agreement before feeling your phone vibrate against your palm. You look at the screen, and drag on a heavy sigh.

 

_Message From: Dumbass Stoner_

_Received: 5:14 P.M._

 

_Message: HeY bRo, WaS wOnDeRiNg If YoU wAnTeD tO uP aNd hAnG aT mY pLaCe AnD pLaY vIdEo GaMeS wItH kUrBrO oR sOmEtHiN'_

_hOnK :o)_

Fuck no you didn't want to. The last time you went to his house he was having sloppy makeouts with his boyfriend while his brother was asleep on the chair. They were practically in each others pants and it didn't take more then ten seconds for you to walk right back out and make sure their spare key was placed back under the loose board on the porch.

 

_Message: NO. I'M BUSY. WHY DON'T YOU ASK YOUR BOYFRIEND?_

_Message sent._

 

You sigh and lean your head back against the wall as the four of your friends continue fawning over the two main parties. This was going to be a long day.

 

\---

 

 **"How's the little huntress doing?"** You look out the open kitchen window into the backyard as your baby cousin is sketching out the red cardinal on the perch of the bird house above her. You see her skin along her jaw shift as she smiles and you give a small giggle and duck back inside and straighten up the house. Your mother was supposed to be arriving soon to give you half the money for your months rent and a bit of catching up. 

 

Since you moved here about three years ago, bringing your cousin along so she could be closer to her college, she had offered to help pay. Which you couldn't afford to decline, literally. Sitting onto the couch, you exhaled loudly and leaned into the soft pillows. Your fingers subconsciously brushed over the small lines along the inside of your elbow, but quickly recoiled. 

 

 _You were in a bad place then. Bad people. Bad area. Bad timing... you're good now._ There's nothing but silence for a few minutes as you dwell on your previous actions and cringe. Ugh. You were so stupid believing that idiot. Doing those things... 

 

The ring of the doorbell distracts you, and you can hear Nepeta from outside getting up and shuffling inside, almost tripping on her dark green trench coat.  **"Is that mom?"** Though it was actually her Aunt, they had raised her since she was three, and  had simply called her mother 'mom' since she could speak proper full sentences.

 

You nod your head and get up to open the door, smiling at your mother as she is suddenly on you with a heavy hug. Nepeta skips over and gives her share of the hug, and then the three of you are settled on the couch. The muffled voices of the TV suddenly catch your attention while in the middle of explaining how Nepeta's classes are doing well for her. The screen is showing a middle-aged woman, around your mothers age probably, who is crying and shaking.

 

The words on the screen say 'Dangerous murder attempt. Man unarmed. Face mutilated, possible Cannibal.' You frown and glance at your cousn, who simply shrugs and you continue to talk until she gives you the envelope for this month's rent, and leaves. Everything is fine. Perfect, until three hours later you get a call. 

 

The same woman you had just saw leave safe and sound, happy and content. Ready to live the next day. The same woman who you owed so much to for just dealing with you- was murdered outside her front door. 

 

 ---

 

 **"Kankri! Your 'friend' in here is about to start a fire."** You could hear your friend Porrim complaining from the other side of the campsite, and sigh. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea, going out camping with the select people. Damara with Porrim, her sister Kanaya with her girlfriend Rose, and... Cronus. 

 

Cronus wasn't the most liked within their little friendship circle. Not even by his half brother, Eridan. It was a little sad seeing such a good potential friend be put aside just because of his antics and hobbies. Sure, he did come off a bit overbearing after graduating high school. He became much more different than the smart, magic-obsessed, nerdy teenager you first met with. Then his abusive father had smashed a glass bottle across his head and you remember the day he came to your house. Bleeding. That's when he pulled on this weird bad boy act and kept unlit cigarettes in his mouth.

 

All that was left from that night though were two jagged scars on the side of his forehead. He doesn't like talking about them. Which you respect as it's offensive to bring up an unwanted topic and-

 

 **"KANKRI!"** You're busted out from your thoughts as Porrim shouts, jabbing your chest. You were admittedly a bit dramatic. Slapping her hand away and letting out a startled gasp which only made her smirk. You stood up, looking at your friend before turning your gaze to Cronus, who was waving a flaming marshmallow in front of Damara while she tried to roast her own from his. He could see the soft white outer shell turn black to charcoal and grimaced.

 

 **"Now Cronus, Damara. Please be careful, I don't want any of us to get hurt from your recklessness. I don't mean to offend if I'm offending, but your actions can very well cause havoc and I do not want to be held responsible. Nor would I want to even be involved. Now if you would please....!"** There's giggling behind you. Giggling.

 

Turning your head Rose and Kanaya are murmuring amongst themselves, and you give a curious tilt of your head.  **"I greatly apologize. But have I triggered either of you?"** They look up, and Kanaya's pale face begins to turn an obvious tinge of red with blushing. Rose is the one who speaks up though, so your gaze focuses to her as you then turn your whole body around. 

 

 **"Kankri, I believe um... You got mud on your pants. In a rather... embarrassing spot as well."** She falls into anoter fit of giggles as you examine your jeans, and squeal as you see it. You have mud smeared all over the seat of your pants, and it looks a lot like something else. This was so triggering not only to other's but mainly yourself. You can hear Porrim gasp and in seconds she's tying her jacket around your waist.

 

 **"Porrim, please it's... uh... this is fine. I... Thank you."** Damara and Cronus are now staring at you, expressions blank until the girl mutters something in her broken English and makes Cronus start to scoff. He gets up and approaches you, ruffling your hair which makes you slap away a hand yet again. 

 

 **Listen Kan. If you want, you can have my pants! I don't mind showin' off my legs to the ladies."** He winks a Porrim, bringing a cigarette to his mouth only to be snatched away seconds later by a certain smoker and lights it dangerously close to your face.  **'Ey, that's my cancer stick doll!"**

 

The other's are now laughing. All except you. Do they not know that there may be hitchhikers, other campers, or people in general who find this triggering? You found this to just be plain inappropriate and were about to open your mouth to start a long lecture about smoking, taking one's pants off in public, and touching other's without consent until a sound came from behind you, making all six pajrs of eye's turn to see what was there.

 

A soft, distressed moan. It started getting closer until you could see just exactly what was there.

 

You screamed. 

 

Cronus shoved you away when it came only inches to your face and brought out a pocket knife. You had actually forgotten he always carried one. At first he would say it was to 'look cool' like with his cigarettes. But you had actually been the first, and only one to know the reason behind it was for self defense against his father.

 

A few shouts and the sickening thud to the floor had brought you back. Wow, you really kept zoning out today. Cronus had stepped back as blood began to spread through the fallen autumn leaves and Kanaya gagged. This thing barely looked human. If it weren't for the body frame you would have mistaken it for some animal carcass. But... it was human. And alive. Or at least was.

 

 **"I don't think we should be out here right now. Let's pack what we can, and get on home. Sound good?"** Cronus looked at everyone. You for a few seconds longer before cleaning up the tents and sleeping bags. You knelt down to get a closer look, and saw a clean cut at the side of it's head. So he had really gone for the kill... You don't know why but this observation makes you feel...quite a bit freaked out. 

 

 **"I'll call a police station. Damara, can you stay with me until they come? And Cronus, you'll need to take Kanaya, Rose, and Kankri home."** It wasn't a question, it was more of a soft command that made you think you had an option. You saw Cronus shrug and kick a few strands of dried, yellowing grass into the fire, and offered Porrim his pocket knife. " **I'll give it back as soon as I can. Promise."** You all said your goodbyes and left the two girls to wait for authorities.

 

You just hoped there weren't more of them...

 

\---

 

You are Gamzee Makara. And right now you are getting your ass beat in a game of Left 4 Dead and at the same time trying to give attention to your boy. He's sitting all cute in your lap and giving kisses along your jaw and neck. He doesn't have his prosthetics on right now, making him seem even smaller. Your attention began to melt into the touch of his lips until your character is down and you shout, making your boyfriend jump.

 

 **"Fuck. Kurloz! You're supposed to be watching my back, motherfucker!"** Your brother shrugs and doesn't look at you, which only makes you more pissed off. You swear he's doing it on purpose too. He likes to tick you off a lot too, ever since he started going clean. At first you didn't notice though. Just thought your memory was going in and out from your hazy mind and all.

You had believed you were just misplacing things. Like your car key's. Your lighters. Hell your dumb ass made yourself believe you had just simply let a whole small bag of weed disappear! (Truth was he had thrown it out, but you didn't mind. It was old anyways) Though still, the guy was a jerk. Always takin' your stuff, moving it around and confusing the fuck out of you. You remember one time he moved your condoms.  _Condoms._ From the nightstand to your sock drawer and it took you five minutes to find them. Five minutes you could have spent with your boyfriend, making sure he knew every part of him was yours and showing just what a real miracle was.

 

These memories brought a sudden lazy grin to your face and your boy was now silently watching. Kurloz had started glancing at his phone, and your grin turned to a frown. You knew what that meant. Someone would assume he was checking messages or something. He was looking at the time. That meant it was around five-thirty, and he would need to go into his recovery counseling. Today he was getting another pendant. You were proud of him, really. His addiction had cost him a lot. Job. College. His own girlfriend. While you were usually just high with Mary Jane, he was into all kinds of stuff you would never want to get into.

 

 **"Just go. I know you like being there early. Besides, I got Tav."** You drop the controller and hug around Tavros' waist, nuzzling into his shoulder. You try to hide the bitterness in your voice, and instead sounded more disappointed. You weren't though! You were so glad he was still keeping up with getting better. But it just... took so much of his time. Your Dad wasn't exactly here anymore from a motorcycle accident and all you had left besides Tav was him.

 

But you're really just not in the mood now because your best friend Karkat has turned down, yet another offer for a good day full of games and maybe one of his favorite romcoms or something. Something about dress shopping? You didn't know he wore dresses. But it reminded you of the time you dared Tavros to wear a skirt just to, you know, fuck around and... that's just exactly what happened. You fucked.

 

Your bro doesn't seem to notice. Instead you hear his keys jingle and the feel the couch shift as he gets up. He throws you a thumbs up and slips over into his Jack Skellington jacket and is about to open the door when there's feverish knocking. When he opens it, Mituna is there.

 

Fuck.

 

You don't know how anyone stands him. He's worse than you when it comes to making nonsense and perverted intentions. He stumbles inside and shoves his skateboard in Kurloz's arms while dragging Latula in. He seems... scared. You help Tavros click in his prosthetics and start to get up as he starts blabbering something you can barely understand. Latula repeated has to remind him to be calm while your older brother helps him keep eye contact.

 

The most you get out of his gibberish is something about a few murders going on? But your brother's face goes pale and he begins to chew his lip. You are one confused motherfucker right here. When Latula turns to you to explain, you see the two friends go up to his room.

 

**"His ex-girlfriends mom was killed today. You know- his counselor?"**

 

\---

 

 **"Joooooooohn! Wake up! You've been sleeping _all afternoon_. Learn to give a girl some attention, man!" ** Vriska Serket. Your, almost, wonderful girlfriend is poking around at your face and pinching at your cheeks. She's laughing though, so you know she's not too pissed off for deciding to sleep away your day off from the office.

 

When you open your eye's you realize just how close her face is to yours, and greet her with a kiss. 

But you only get an eye roll while she hops off the bead and fixes her hair into a messy bun. She's wearing one of your shirts and no pants per the usual. But her blue lipstick is perfect as ever and you probably have some on your lips now. Not that you care.

 

Looking at the clock, you realize that it really is noon. A little passed it even. Getting up with a long stretch and loud yawn, you make your way back towards her. She's looking out your apartment window to the bakery you own, and you smile.  **"I'm guessing someone's hungry for Aunt's amazing blueberry granola bars?"** They were her favorite. The nights you would bring home a few leftover and watched movies while snacking on them were the nights she could sleep a lot more easily. You don't know why though. Maybe it's like... therapeutic or something.

 

She leans into your side and nods, making a small whining sound.  **"You were asleep aaaaaaaall day! I had to eat breakfast on my own. Feed Bec those weird gourmet steaks that Jade said he eats. And do the laundry all by myself!"** You couldn't help but chuckle though, murmuring a soft 'Wow. Thats tough.' Under your breath which in return, cost you a punch to the shoulder. 

 

 **"Hey Miss Serket! You have muscles on top of your muscles okay? Don't go on beating up the nerdy kid here."** You place on your glasses and she scoffs at you, walking away now. You follow though anyways, but are yet again distracted as a certain animal you are currently dog-sitting for your sister jumps up at you. He gives a happy bark and covers your face in sloppy wet kisses with his tongue. Yuck.

 

 **Bec. Down boy. Come on. No, no! Please, don't chew Liv Tyler. Okay, good boy. Sit for me? Good boy!"** You pat his head while he pants and shakes his tail excitedly. He's a good dog. But also a big one to. Not to mention one you have to watch today until Jade takes him in the evening when she gets back from her shopping trip with her boyfriend Dave. You would do anything for your sister. Even watch after a big slobbering dog who is constantly trying to eat at your stuffed bunny she gave you at your thirteenth birthday party.

 

You are now being pulled by a very impatient girlfriend. She sits you down on the couch and you expect a makeout to follow. But instead you're watching TV. She's pointing out what seems to be a live show of several weird, torn-fleshed creatures hobbling after the reporter and cameraman. 

 

 **"What the fuck... Are they John?"** She looks at you with a frown, which you reply in a shrug. You have no idea. Why would you? You've never seen anything like this before. And because you have no answers, you decide to shut the TV off and get dressed for some baked goods from your Aunt Jane, who's only four years older than you. 

 

 

The sweet scent of sugar is always nice to walk into. A few daily costumers greet you warmly while Vriska sets off to the back of the counter. Most likely to bother your Aunt into sliding over some free blueberry granola bars. But instead you see her shoo your girlfriend away, who begrudgingly does and decides to just help around instead.

 

Bec is beside you. His red service animal cape is worn proudly on his back while he silently looks around. If he knew he wasn't out working, he'd be trying every moment he could to snatch a danish off the counter or beg for some of the costumers leftovers. But Jade had trained him well to behave in public, and for when her PTSD would start to act up.

 

" **Hey Janey! What's been happening today?"** It's a joint family owned business. Your grandmother passed the bakery down to your Aunt, who chose to include you as owner with her, along with her girlfriend Roxy, who had actually hacked into their sources site, and managed to have them get a year's supply of sugar for free. She's pretty cool and also makes the best drinks to soothe Vriska when she's pretty pissed off.

 

 **"Hey buster! Ya know today's supposed to be your day off. I ain't gonna pay you no overtime pal."** Her voice is curled with humour as she leans over the counter and gives you a hug. The two of you talk for a while until you actually manage to sneak some treats home for Vriska. When you begin to leave everyone turns their heads from the sound of something sliding down the glass on the window and hitting against it. 

 

There they were. Those weird things you saw on TV. You hear a gunshot. Two. Three. There's red dripping down the glass now and people are running and screaming as they try and push out of the building.

 

 **"John. John!"** Vriska tugs on your arm and you stumble back as she practically drags you and Becquerel to the counter. You feel like you're in a daze as you watch everything pass by in slow motion. People running. The dog barking. Throaty snarls. Claws. Teeth crushing into skin and bone. It's all too unreal! Then you are tugged again and end up sitting on the floor. Vriska leans up against you and coughs a little, trying to ease off and not have a panic attack.

 

 **"Roxy? Oh, there you are. Shh. We... we need to hide. In the office, quick."** That's where you usually work. Filing put papers, signing needed signatures for contracts after carefully reading them through three time's while Vriska would try and distract you with the 'Sexy Boss' roleplay. This had on multiple occasions almost ended up with you bending her over your desk and doing your thing. Almost.

 

The room isn't that big, but definitely big enough to fit you all in. Bec lies under your desk while Jane sits in your chair with Roxy in her lap. You and Vriska are wrapped in each other at the corner, listening to the screams going on outside with police sirens wailing and ambulances speeding passed. You can just catch a few people in biohazard suits outside. You know. This is not something that was supposed to happen.

 

This was a mistake.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it so far! Backgrounds for the rest of the characters will appear later on in the story, promise. I'll have chapter three up before Friday


	3. Just what we need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This takes place at about a month and a half into the plague

You jolt awake and for a moment you don't remember where you are. **"Nepeta?"**  You had yet another washed out memory turn into a nightmare. Then you remembered. Your little huntress was dead.

 

The blinds that would be on the window are torn off, so the pale Sun is shining directly in your eye's. You squint, a frown tugging down at your lips as you glance at the bed you're in. It's a hospital bed.

 

Oh. Right. You're also here now. Not in the home you had owned. Not in the place you lived in with your relative for three years. Where you had small celebrations like when she got enrolled in her wanted college. Where you gave her her first drink and invited a few friends over on her nineteenth birthday. Now you were here. In this hospital. Without her.

 

You sigh, pushing off the thin blanket and sitting on the edge of the bed for a few minutes before pressing against the matress and standing up. The air is cold and your neck feels stiff. You were probably shifting in your sleep during all the possible three hours you slept. It's hard to sleep now.

 

You step into the bathroom and look into the mirror. Your frown tightens seeing your bony frame. You hadn't treated yourself well before you came here, which was less than a week ago. You don't expect to gain any weight though with having to ration everything for all of you to survive. Even if the hospital already had so much in multiple storage units, your group was big. And looking to survive.

 

You take the brush from the side of the sink and start running it through the knots in your hair, and pull it into a ponytail. You turn the faucet on, a small stream of water spilling out. It was freezing, which you didn't mind. It helped you wake up a bit faster. You splashed your face and sigh, shutting it off and walking out to get dressed. You see a new set of clothes at your bedside and tilt your head. He probably put them there while you were in the bathroom.

 

He's been trying to baby you since you've gotten here. He knows you can handle yourself too, which just makes it all the more embarrassing. But you put them on instead of just wearing what you had yesterday. They've clearly be taken anyways, and the one's you're now wearing are soft and warm. Obviously just coming out from the drying machine.

 

The shirt is a black long sleeve, so you assume you may be actually get to go outside today. But your thoughts twist because you're also wearing shorts... Huh. You do look cute though, so you'll give him points for fashion.

 

 **"Meulin?"** There's a soft knocking at the door, and you recognize the voice to. You didn't expect to meet your old... friend when you arrived here. But it was a pleasant surprise. At least you had no quarrels with this ex. And he even moved on which only made you a bit happier seeing him there.

 

 **"You can come in Kankri."** You answer, and the door opens up. He's in his red sweater, and when he walks closer you realize it looks fresh off the rack. Your mutual friend Porrim must have just finished making him another, or had patched his other one up. But right now isn't th  time to dwell on sweaters. From the look on Kankri's face you can tell he has something important to say.

 

He starts walking towards you, and you assume he's anxious to talk since now he's making your bed. He always does these kind of things when he's nervous. Folds clothes. Cleans dishes. Sweeps floors. Good thing his boyfriend doesn't know how to clean up after himself for his life, otherwise you'd worry he would have nothing to do when stressed.

 

You sit in the chair next to your bed and offer a weak smile. Out of everyone else in the hospital, you find yourself genuinely smiling when around Horuss or Kankri. Depending on the mood, Damara too.

 

 **"Meulin, I wanted to talk to you about, um... your sister. Er, cousin."** He started talking a bit faster when he added,  **"Only if you want to. It's just... I understand if it's triggering. Or just outright rude and upsetting. I just wish for you to know that if you ever need to talk or express emotion that you feel are not appropriate in front of anyone else- I'm here."** He's now leaning at the edge of your bed, trying to make eye contact. You're horrible at it though. You can't look into his eye's for more than three seconds before having to avert your gaze to your lap. You're like that with everyone now.

 

 **"Thank you Kankri. I'll be sure to keep that in mind! Right now I just... need to get settled with my schedule. I haven't looked at the sheet yet."** Kanaya and Rose were in charge of setting out schedules for everyone. They had somehow still kept track of the date. On every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday you had to check food rations and rearrange batteries. Saturday's and Sunday's were your day's off. And Tuesday's and Thursdays were yet to be decided. You're pretty sure Kurloz told them you weren't just yet ready to go out on runs.

 

 **"Yes. Right. Glad you understand. I... think I saw your schedule said you had nothing today though. When I asked Cronus he told me he heard that Rufioh was going to try and give you some lessons on shooting. Though I may be wrong."** You were both silent for a moment before you stood again, shrugging your shoulders. You took your beanie off your nightstand and pulled it over your head, also fixing your ponytail so it wasn't so awkward fitting.

 

 **"I'll just go and see. Thanks again."** You gave another, rather weak smile and began to walk out. The Hall was empty and the only light you could see came from the windows from open rooms or at the end of the hallways. You were on the second floor, where they treated those in a critical care. You knew your room would be moved soon though. At least you hoped, because your neighbor was none other than Kurloz himself. 

 

Kankri is next to you, and you both start for the stairs when Karkat walks out of his room with Jade. She seemed upset, but you couldn't really tell. Her face was turned away from you and she had started to walk down the other way.

 

You waved to Kankri's younger sibling, who didn't even give a response. He started after Jade instead, which left you and your friend awfully confused.

 

 **"Is Bec sick or something?"** You voice your thoughts. You knew she had a service dog, who was usually either at her side or with her brother. Sometimes you caught Dave giving him a walk outside where it was actually fenced in. Ten foot red brick walls and inside they had beautiful flowers and ponds and park benches. Jade had actually started to help grow a food garden with her Uncle and John's Aunt. From what you caught a glimpse of during your tour, it was coming along quite nicely.

 

 **"I'm not sure... I'd rather stay out of it though. She does seem quite upset about something. I'm sure Karkat will calm her though. He's good at consoling and keeping some of his friend's level even if he has trouble doing so with himself."** You smile a little as he starts his thorough valuation of his little siblings behavior.

 

Along the staircase you see smears of blood. Dirty clothes and other debris. On your second day here Dirk had reassured you that all corpses had been removed, had oil dumped on, and burned. Every single hall, unit, everywhere had been checked out. For the most part though the place had been empty. Probably most patients had been evacuated. Now all that was left was trash to clean up, which was also in schedules. You're pretty sure the two days that are open on yours will be filled with that if a certain someone could help it. You weren't even with him anymore, why was he still treating you like you were his responsibility?

 

**_"Hey there kitten. Didn't expect I'd run into you here."_  **

 

Ugh. If only you had looked after yourself better instead of being so reckless.

 

Now you and Kankri are in the Main lobby. Horuss was talking with his cousin Equius. He seemed upset from something. He and Nepeta had been close too. When he learned of her death he didn't react much. You assumed it was just because he didn't exactly express emotions like others did. You do recall though Horuss noting that he was starting to become more rebellious lately after hearing of his friends death.

 

 **"There. You don't have anything on your schedule today, see?"** You turn your head to see Kankri looking at the whiteboard. Your name had a blank space, making you tilt your head in confusion. Then what was it you were supposed to do...?

 

You heard a yelp come from Kankri and looked back up at him. You didn't notice you were staring at the floor. Cronus had an arm around the others shoulders, and you couldn't help but smile as the your friend blushed when he kissed the side of his head. You were really, really happy at least this ex-boyfriend had managed to move on and find someone. Instead of treating you like some lost puppy with nowhere to go.

 

 **"Hey chief, ya showin' this doll around without me?"** You could tell there was a twinge of jealousy in his voice, but brushed it off. The last thing you wanted was for this guy to think you were trying to get your Middle School crush back. Sure the relationship lasted a whole four years before he ended it. He had moved away with his Dad, and ended up moving back three years later after graduating. 

 

You didn't need to date anyone at the moment nor did you want to. You were sort of busy trying to survive right now.

 

 **"I actually already had my tour. We were just wondering about my schedule. Usually I check the storage today my space is empty."** Your words are nothing to him though as he starts leading Kankri away. Shrugging, you just walk around. Giving fake smiles to those that pass you, and give a few pats on the head to Becquerel when he passes by you. Probably looking for food. In fact, you're pretty sure he's the best fed here.

 

When you first met John he told you that the first run he did was to Petsmart, and he carried back two shopping carts full of dog food bags, toys, and dog treats just to cheer Jade up. Really, it seemed like a waste of time but then again you never exactly owned a pet. You always wanted a cat though.

 

Your were lost in thought again until you felt a tap on your shoulder. Turning around you saw it was just Rufioh.  **"Ready to learn how to shoot doll? Special orders. You get to go with me and Jake so you don't just have to protect yourself with a knife no more. Though, gotta admit from what I've heard, what you can do is pretty dope."**

 

Dope...? All you really had done was use a knife to protect yourself. Not to mention the moves you learned in self defense class with Nepeta. But you wouldn't exactly make a big deal from it or anything.

 

Jake suddenly appeared next. He had a few cuts and scars along his face, but gave you a cheery smile. From the looks of it, and the sound of his panting, he must have come back from a supply run. You looked behind them to see Dirk, Damara, and Vriska coming back from the side door with the shopping carts they used to carry everything. The main entrance and windows had been boarded up since the day the first couple of survivors arrived here. That would be Feferi since she had worked in the hospital to begin with. Basically everyone just ended up here one by one. 

 

 **"Okay. Where do we go?"** You felt like someone was watching you. Which was most of the time, but sometimes you really felt it. Like something was just breathing over your neck...

 

You stopped yourself from shuddering and let them take you to the garden. Of course moving through a series of halls and taking 'shortcuts' as Rufioh put it. Finally you were there. The Autumn Sun hid behind bright puffy clouds and the cold air was a bit chilly, causing goosebumps to rise over your legs and the back of your neck.

 

But it was nice. Almost as if nothing was happening outside those walls. You noticed there were cardboard squares set up in multiple places. Some were even moving within the direction of the wind, and Rufioh had proudly stated that he helped Horuss make those.

 

 **"Won't the noise attract them though? And... arent we wasting bullets? I can learn as time goes on."** You really didn't want to do this. Those flashlights seemed more appealing to look at and rearrange than doing this. But Jake simply gave you a reassuring pat on the back and chuckled.

 

**"That's why we're using BB-Guns! Dave brought over his after running to his apartment a few blocks over. And those pellets are also reusable, which is quite the bonus. And by golly, they're actually really useful. Most of the others know how to take down a large crowd now with this kind of practice."**

 

Oh. You were handed what resembled a pistol, but it was plastic. Rufioh helped position your shoulders and space out your arms. Jake gave you some really helpful tips on aiming and with a deep breath, you pulled the neon orange trigger and a bright yellow bullet flung from the opening to the direction you shot.

 

You missed, but they gave you reassurance that most did on the first try. Which was okay, but you had already figured this out. You tried again a few time's while Rufioh would pick up the small brightly colored beads.

 

You finally successfully hit a target, and Jake gave you a high five that left your palm stinging. Rufioh shouted 'Bangarang!' Which made you giggle. You could see why Horuss liked him so much. Before this all had happened, the two of you still kept in touch. He came over a lot with Equius and the four of you would just hang out. He was really your closest friend. And had been your only friend during the rough patches in your life. The only problem was that Horuss was incredibly too shy.

 

You continued with the training until the double doors opened up and the face you were hoping not to see today was there. You gave the plastic gun to Jake and tried to focus kn what Rufioh was telling you. But he just... stood there. Eventually he walked over to the three of you, and this time you purposely looked away to avoid eye contact. But you could practically feel the smile in his voice.

 

 **"Was I wrong?"** What was he talking about? Wrong about what? Apparently the other two boys knew because they shook their heads, chuckling. 

 

 **"The doll's got natural talent. Really. After a few tries she was hitting it off real good."** He slung his arm over your shoulder and now you just  _had_ to look up. His expression was smug and you held the urge to roll your eye's.  **"How did you know she'd be so good? Thought she never shot a gun before."** All three of them were looking at you. You shrugged off Rufioh and glanced at Jake before mister know-it-all spoke again.

 

 **"She's a fast learner. Not to mention hella smart. You know, that kind of stuff."** You don't stop yourself this time from giving an annoyed groan and walking away. You didn't need this. You didn't need him trying to indirectly flirt with you either. 

 

They continued talking as you pushed your way inside and slid down onto the floor with an exhausted sigh. You just wanted to be home. You wanted to be with you cousin, watching Sherlock and giggling over how much you love the thought of John with Sherlock or laugh at just how silly the whole thing is.

 

But you couldn't. This was real life now. You were alone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was actually just too excited and HAD to get this done today. Though don't worry, most of the next few chapters won't revolve around this kind of drama


	4. Just bite your tongue

**"Ter _ezi_. Focus here! Quit zoning out!"**  A very annoyed looking Vriska Serket is snapping her fingers in your face, causing you to turn your head away from the window to grimace at her. You're not even supposed to be involved with what she's saying. You're just the lookout for this run, and only follow and warn if there's danger.

 

 **"I'm not zoning out, I'm checking to make sure we aren't attracting attention like I'm supposed to."** Your voice falls on deaf ears because she's already started talking again. Dirk gives you a shrug and you can see Damara smirking from the corner of your eye as she flips through a magazine. You sigh, giving on last look outside before turning back to you're group.

 

The four of you are currently at a supermarket one of the other's had found, as well as a new survivor. You've never been to the suburban area's of the city, but apparently there's convenience stores and super Wal-Mart's everywhere and most of them are untouched due to the majority of this place either evacuating or already dead and roaming with the rest.

 

Right now you have three shopping carts full of food and supplies. While you are currently inhabiting a _hospital._ With  _food and medicine;_  everyone is quick to make sure there's enough to last the longest it can. Not to mention Feferi was your only nurse and Kankri was just about to get out of medical school to be a surgeon. It was good to have medical help included in your party, but also a downer with their anxiety of always wanting to be 'prepared' with endless amounts of medications and other things they might need.

 

 **"Alright, if we go back the way we came, we might run into that crowd we passed. With all the carts full it's gonna make way too much noise. I suggest we go the long way. Make a short cut through that one dead end that we went through the first time."** She was now making a map in the dirt on the floor, and put an 'x' on where the hospital would be. 

 

 **"But we don't know what's in the forest now. Last time we went through Jade almost got bit."** Dirk was frowning, brushing dirt over the line's and redrawing a route.  **"By now the crowd must have spread out. I can steer two carts and you can steer the other. Damara and Terezi can watch our backs to make sure there won't be a problem."** Damara looked up, and gave a slow nod of her head. 

 

But she wasn't going down easy. You could tell by the way her jaw tightened and her hands clench into a fist; she wanted to argue. Even through those dark pointy shades though you could tell there was no use. It was his way or the highway. Whixh was actually literally blocked off with thousands more of those creatures eager to chomp your arm off. 

 

They begin to get up, which you solemnly follow with. You open the door and quietly, one after the other they go. You adjust the strap of the gun around your shoulder and tighten your grip on the knife in your hand. It was quieter than shooting and you didn't want to gather more attention to yourselves.

 

A few raspy hisses sounded behind you and you turned to dig the blade into it's skull. When it fell you gave a disgusted spit to the body and continued to follow. Retracing your steps basically. The hospital was about a mile away from where you currently where and it really was a bitch going back and forth. This was only the first time you came here, but you would definitely try to avoid coming again.

 

The streets were more or less empty at this point. You were going through a neighborhood, and noticed a dark green house with a white door. Inside was dark just like the others on the whole block. The grass was a dying yellow shade and littered with brightly colored leaves. You remembered that was one of your friend's houses. During Middle School you would go there every Friday and sleep over until Monday and go to school together. She was a nice girl... Aradia. You don't exactly know what happened to her now though. Last you heard from her she was going ice skating with her boyfriend and that was it.

 

 **"Fuck, fuckfuckfuck."** Rushed curses came from ahead and you saw Vriska rubbing the side of her ankle.  **"Tripped over a stupid dip in the ground. Lucky break, huh?"** She looked to you, and you couldn't help but give a smirk and shrug. No matter how much of a bitch she could be, Vriska was another friend of yours that would be hard to see go.

 

She had quickly recovered though and was back up on her feet and wheeling the cart away. Damara ended up taking one of Dirk's halfway through when they had really gone scarce. The Sun was still up, but you could feel the thick breeze brush against your exposed arms. Maybe a t-shirt wasn't the smartest idea. Goosebumps started to rise against your skin and you shuddered visibly. You hated the cold. Especially when you had to work in the cold as well. Sitting in a police car, not able to put the heat on because it would be too loud and you couldn't hear the radio. 

 

The the multiple time's you had to patrol outside the station in the snow. Nothing but your uniform on and your hands would get stuck around the handle of your pistol from holding it on your holster for so long. But that was your past life. Being a cop didn't mean anything more. What only made it feel worse though was that you were so close to getting that promotion too!

 

You hold back a groan and look around again. You can see the top of the hospital from above the tree's and get a little hopeful that you are so close. Another dull thought makes you look at Dirk, who had to let go of the cart and kick away another one who had been crawling towards them. If only this could have been like some video game. Where there were just gun laying about and unlimited ammo you could collect whenever needed. Then beat this thing and win! 

 

If only.

 

 

 **"Hooooooly shit we're actually**   ** _alive_!"** Vriska grinned as you all trekked through the growing piles of dead leaves and entered from the side building. At least they did; you wanted to stay out a bit longer to clear your head. Thing's had been... happening lately. Thing's that you would never have thought would happen, or you would even cause. 

 

You can hear Vriska and John laughing from inside before Damara shuts the door. You roll your eyes, walking away towards the back. On the other side of the walls that kept those monsters from invading the not-so-miniature park inside. The door slams shut again behind you and you turn your head, smiling when you see who it is.

 

 **"Yo, I thought you didn't come back or something."** Dave gave you a tight hug, though you held your arms stiffly at your side's. He commented on how cold you were, but you didn't respond. Instead; changed the subject. 

 

 **"Does she know you're here? I really think she's starting to get suspicious. She's starting to like... stare at me and stuff. It's making me really uncomfortable."** You sound like Vriska, ugh. But it's true! Well, yeah she did have the right to. You're having her boyfriend cheat on her with you but... He was just so irresistible. And the world is ending! Isn't this a 'do-now die-young' situation? Or as Dave had put some events a 'yolo' moment.

 

 **"Well, not exactly. You see, Karkat is with her. They were talking so I told them I had to take a leak and... here we are I guess. But if she's making you feel all creeped out, I'll talk to her. Try to maybe convince her we're just close friends, like she and Kar are."** He takes your hands and swings them side to side. You giggle and kiss his cheek, and start to walk around the perimeter of the outside. You're prepared to make a wound to the head of anything that attacks if there is one.

 

 **"You know TZ, maybe when this is all over, if there's a cure or somethin' we could..."** He trailed off, mumbling something to himself before shaking his head.  **"Never mind. Wow, that was a really dickish thought right there."** He actually looks disgusted. You see the furrow in his brows and give his hand a reassuring squeeze.

 

 **"What was it? You can tell me, I don't judge. Unless it's in court."** You grin, which makes him laugh. Dave gives another glance at you before looking ahead and starting to talk again.

 

 **"Well, I don't really know. I was thinking if somehow we could... work it out. I could be with both You and Jade instead of pulling all this sneaky shit around her. I mean it's not gonna last forever. I've seen enough shitty chickflicks to know where this is gonna end up if we keep doing this for long enough."** He falls silent, as do you.

 

He's right. About one thing at least- you can't keep doing this. But you can't share Dave. That's just... gross. Well, you're doing it now. But with the other party knowing, that is. It makes you feel less special. And you just knkw he'll give her all the attention. Being the one that was with him longest.

 

Wait, fuck. It was only a theory and look at how worked up you're getting. With a long sigh you lean into him. You soon decide to make your way back, laughing at some dumb joke he thought of. You see Gamzee outside the door with a cigarette in his hand, talking to Tavros. You try, as casual as you can, to smoothly walk by. They seemed deep enough into conversation to not even look your way.

 

As if.

 

 **"Where did you two go?"** Tavros looks at you curiously and you want to punch that smirk off of Gamzee's face as he takes another drag. You can't find the word's to answer with, but Dave seems to have it covered.

 

 **"We were checking the walls. Making sure there were no breaches or anything. Kanaya told me she was getting worried and wanted me to double check, so I decided to bring Terezi along with."** The way he sounds so convincing is a bit scary. But it only comforts you knowing he must sound that way to when talking with Jade.

 

When neither reply you hurriedly walk inside and take one last look at Dave. He gives you a hug, making it look as platonic as could be before walking away. 

 

**"God, Terezi! Aren't you going to help us? Three people can't do this fast enough before the next group needs to go out."**

 

Oh, you almost forgot about the fucks you didn't give about helping put supplies into the storage unit.

 

\---

 

You are currently beside a crying, shriveled girl in a dark stairway. Maybe that wasn't the best way to describe your situation, but you don't really care right now. This is sort of a big deal right now and you are being looked at for guidance. Which is crazy in your opinion, because you've never really been on an emotional level with someone like the girl next to you. Oh yeah, her name is Jade.

 

Her predicament was quite a shock to you, really. Well, it hasn't been confirmed in any way but ever since her suspicions of Dave cheating on her, you're actually starting to get little thoughts of it too. But how could that be possible? You told her this the first time she spoke to you about it. 

 

Dave Strider just... didn't seem like the type of guy to do that. He's been with her for so long! Your best bro, don't forget. You can't even count the amount of time's on all fingers and toes he had told you he wanted to marry the girl next to you. When it was just you and him, he was real. Not the 'Cool' and 'Ironic' douchemuffin everyone knew. He told you things you don't even think Jade knew herself. 

 

You also may be stereotyping a little, but doing this with Terezi? She was an officer from what she's told you and even had her badge in her pocket to prove it. Not to mention she's just outright obsessed with 'justice' and doing the right thing. It just seemed like something she would avoid and not want to get into. Then again- you could be wrong. But your doubts of anything between them were stronger than you thinking this was actually happening. To your knowledge- they're just really close like how you and Jade are. 

 

You pull her a little closer with the arm around her shoulder, and let her lean into you. She's been crying for an hour now. Maybe a little more. Just sobbing, sniffling, and voicing her thoughts to you. Of course you don't reply, just listen like a good friend and nod slowly. You can tell she's been wrapped up in her own dreading thoughts for nights while she's in the same bed with the man she thinks doesn't love her anymore. 

 

Her PTSD must be raging right now. Where was Bec? That's usually all you see her with now. Or else she's alone, so you've been accompanying her a lot. 

 

She's tugging at the strings of your hoodie, her hands shaking and the rest of her trembles from small coughs. You can only imagine how sore her throat is now.  **I just don't know what to do now... He's not even here!"** Her voice cracks and she presses her face into your jacket now. She's right- as soon as Kankri came in before going to see that ex-girlfriend of his from eons ago, had said that the group that went out this morning could be seen coming back. A few minutes after Dave left to 'go to the cool dude's room' and still hasn't come back.

 

You brush your fingers through her hair and sigh, giving a small kiss to the top of her head. No romantic kiss. Just a friendly, it-will-be-okay kind of smooch.  **"Hey, let's just... forget about it for a whole. You don't want to be getting too much into this. Like I said- why would Dave even want to do that sort of thing? He'd be wasting the love of a beautiful talented girl and he knows it."** She glances up at you, and you roll your sleeve over your hand and brush away the tear streak across her cheeks.

 

She gives another sniffle and you get up, pulling her along as well.  **"Why don't you get cleaned up. I'll find Bec and when I come back we can go for a walk outside. Maybe play fetch with the BB-Guns."** She nods, smiling a little when you begin to walk away. She holds onto your arm like a vice and you're pretty sure it's enough to cut off blood circulation. You're right because you start to lose feeling a few minutes later but you don't mind.

 

The scuffle of your sneakers and her tiny shaky breaths are drowned out by your thoughts. You just can't imagine the guy doing something like that. What benefit would it give him? He knew it would destroy Jade , and... yeah he was an idiot in general. But he was also a smart idiot. Tongue sharper than the broken edges of his sword and could return with a comeback that would make your relatives in the grave gasp with shock and swoon.

 

You eventually stop in front of her room and leave her to wash up. You found Bec in the Lobby, trying to nuzzle himself into Tavros. You guessed he had just come inside because his cheeks and ears were red and when you passed by, he smelled like smoke. 

 

You were never a fan of dogs. Or any animals actually. But you remember when you first met Bec. It was in Sophomore year when Dave had finally gotten the balls to ask Jade out and she sat at your lunch table that day. You had seen the big white beastly dog that looked like it could chow down on you in seconds, but looks were deceiving. The big red service cape was on his back like he was some superhero and then kept trying to eat at your sandwich whenever Jade wasn't looking or in deep conversation with the other. 

 

He was really well behaved for the majority though. Probably the only animal you tolerated actually. He followed you up the stairs loyally and ran into Jade when you came back into the room. Dave had come back, and was sitting on the edge of her bed. It looked like he had just interrupted World War 3 by the look on her face. But it quickly changed when Bec arrived. She let him jump onto her and lick her face. Dave looked down at the ground, and you leaned against the door.

 

 **"Sorry Karkat, but I'm gonna take that walk with Dave instead. We have some... things to talk about. We can go later though."** This was sort of good news to hear. Maybe they could finally work things out and prove that Dave was in fact, not doing anything shady behind her back. Maybe all this crap would be sorted through by the end of the night and  they'd be happy again. The perfect ending to some five-chapter, cheaply made book for twelve year old's or something.

 

 **"That's fine. I'll just see what Gamzee is up to or something."** He was started to disappear at random time's now. Sometimes even Tavros wouldn't know where he was and as a loyal best friend you had to be sure he was okay. Well... maybe not so loyal. You did sort of ignore him before all this happened and overreacted a lot with the shit he pulled. But you  _did_ see him downstairs and you're pretty sure he's still there. 

 

Turning on your heel you walk out, and the hushed murmurs coming from Jade's room followed by the soft  _clip_ from the hook of a leash made you smile briefly. You like seeing happy endings for this kind of stuff. It was really the only thing that distracted you from your usual grumpy and sour attitude.

 

When walking back down for about the third time today, you saw the next group heading out. It was your turn to go out tomorrow, while today was  your day off until you had to keep watch tonight. You pivoted twice until finally you spotted your, what you hoped was still considered to be, your friend. He was staring out into space, as always. When you approached him he gave you a big smile and leaned back.   **"What's up, Bro. Haven't seen you in a while."**

 

His smile turns into a grin and you rub the back of your neck as it grows hot from guilt.  **"Uh, yeah. Been busy and all. Listen, I just wanted to apologize. It's a pretty fucking late apology and all but... It's gonna have to do right now."** You're talking word vomit, and it makes your words begin to jumble around.  **"I mean, I've been a real dick lately. Haven't really acknowledged you and even before shit hit the fan I sort of tried to avoid you and all. Pretty sure you noticed. If not then whoop-dee-fucking-doo you know now. Uhm, anyways..."**

 

Shit, you were really bad at this anyways. But before you could even spit out your next pile of foul words and try morphing it into some sort of apology, his hand was on your shoulder and you were suddenly in a hug with him. You tried not to cough when your nose was pushed into his shirt which was drenched with the scent of smoke and... that was definitely the smell of sex too. But you couldn't pull away, not with his surprisingly strong grip. 

 

 **"Gamzee. I can't fucking breath dumbass."** Your voice is muffled, but he understands and backs off. He doesn't have a smile anymore and has just a straight face.  **"Uh, thanks. Yeah so... we're good, right?"** Oops, your insecurity was showing again. Fuck that noise. To cover this up you frowned and turned away, pulling your hood over your head. 

 

 **"Of course, motherfucker! We're good."** He pokes your forehead and you flinch away from him. Meenah always pointed out how you and Kankri shared that. The thing with touching. The only difference was  that you didn't give hour long speeches on why you shouldn't touch other's without consent. Instead you either moved away or flipped the fuck out on the one who touched you.

 

You could hear someone call his name and he looked away from you.  **"Oh, shit I've gotta go. I'll see you later Bro."** He ruffles your hair and leaves before you can even push his hand off of you. Well at least that was out of the way now. All that's really left to do now is wait until it's your shuft, which telling from the dulling sky should be in a few hours.

 

A sigh passes through your lips and you sit in one of those stiff uncomfortable chairs and look over to see Rose writing something down.  **"You need another session?"** She smirks, not looking your way. She already knows the answer though; that's a Hell fucking yes with a capital Y-E-S.

 


	5. New beginnings? Unlikely

Your name is Cronus Ampora, and this chick needs to keep her paws off your sweetheart. Seriously ever since she came here he's been starting to spend more time with that broad than you. What makes it worse? They had  _history_. Ew. 

 

But maybe you were being overprotective! This was kind of a big deal, you and Kan. Considering no one was able to get him even into a platonic relationship, an actual one was a big step up. It hadn't yet been a whole month since you began your relationship, but that's only what was making this more aggravating. 

 

Right now he was probably talking it up with the babe. While she would giggle and flip her hair over her shoulder. Give him cute smiles while you were stuck in the basement with a stupid clipboard in your hands checking off everything on this list.  **"Kanaya, I'm pretty sure we're good here. Why do we need all of this? Doesn't it end up going bad or something? I'm pretty sure there's exportation dates on these. Gotta check those too doll. On another day of course because uh, that ain't my job right now."**

 

She's rolling her eye's at you, but you say nothing about it. You were just trying to start conversation! And more so wanting to get your thoughts away from those two. One half was begging you to say something. Put that broad in place. Then the other half was like that little gremlin with the halo telling you that you should test your trust in Kankri. With as much of a prude he currently was, why would he be about with someone else? Not to mention it obviously failed and he was quite narrow minded with failures and such.

 

You check three more items on the checklist as a few more boxes are sliding your way. You stop them with the bottom of your heel and give a short nod. Inside one was things like cereal and... hot damn were those cherry flavored poptarts?

 

You pick up the box and grin, but quickly put them back because your partner is giving you a death glare and you know she won't hesitate to put you in line by any means necessary.

 

You huff and look at the other two boxes. Canned crap you could care less about. You make a lot of noises to express how boring this is. Long sighs, complaining groans of sheer agony and boredom, loud huffs of breath and even arching your back to crack it every now and then. But she doesn't even give you any attention. Instead, continuing with her work. Well damn, this would take a while. There were enough of you though that at least a few of you could help out. Let's see, who did you know was alive...

 

Yourself, obviously. Your babe. His ex-babe. Kanaya. Rose. That John kid with his hot piece of ass; Vriska. The girl with the dog and her boyfriend. Kankri's little brother. The cripple. His boyfriend and that guy's older brother. The cop. That creepy quiet guy with his cousin. The guy that yells 'bangarang' about everything. Porrim, and her girlfriend Damara. And those other two homosexual couples that you can't exactly remember the name's of.

 

Wow. There were totally enough of you to help out with this crap. Seriously! It's like they were torturi-

 

Wait. What was that. Was that a door you just heard slam shut? Was your time down here finally over?

 

Nope. Turning your head you saw three shadows and glanced at Kanaya, who looked more than relieved. 

 

 **"Sorry to be late! Janey and I got lost around the hospital and it took us a while to get back."** Roxy giggled as she led the other girl over and picked up another clipboard on a stack of boxes. Behind Jane was... Horuss? Yeah, the quiet guy's cousin.

 

  **"So what's your excuse pal?"** You look over at him as he opens up his tool box. Right, the guy was a mechanic. Or so you heard. You've never really bothered with this guy much and when you did, conversation was short. Like a simple 'hi' or nod in the hallway when you would pass.

 

 **"I'm not late for anything. I'm just here to check on everything to make sure the solar panels are still in shape."** His voice was soft and had a friendly attitude as he strolled passed the four of you and began his work without another glance. For such a friendly guy he sure had a tough looking bod. Not that you were checking him out or anything just an... observation. Yeah.

 

 **"Cronus, stop checking him out and help me please."** Shit. 

 

You turn your head with a sigh and stare at Kanaya. You can here Jane and Roxy eagerly chatting a bit ways off to the left. That's where all the extra blankets, pillows, amd matresses were. Basically it was a mini-warehouse in here. 

 

The last box was pushed toward you and a grin spread across your pale face. You were down here for  _hours_. Thank God it was over now.  **"Well, it was nice workin' with ya today doll. Can't wait to do it again!"** You give her a big fake smile you know she can look through and give back the stupid checklist and turn off. You make it an obvious rush to leave since fuck no you are not going to stay there a minute longer if you can help it. 

 

The elevator is slow going up. Apparently the energy that the solar panels gave was being focused more on heating so none of you would freeze to death in the winter. You wouldn't mind a select few dying off from the cold, but that would mean more shifts to take downstairs. Not to mention you would have to do a lot more effort in general and that was something unappealing to you. 

 

Out of habit you put a cigarette in your mouth as the doors open up. There's a few people in the main room but not that many. So it's easy to spot out your boyfriend who's...  _with her again_. She isn't even looking at him! Is that some 'hard-to-get' move she's playing off? You're sure of it, because eventually her eye's glaze over and now that's when you step in a subtle as you can.

 

That doesn't seem to work though. When you pulled an arm around him he squeals like a girl and you can't help but laugh. This gets her attention... good. Maybe she'll back off.  **"You showin' this doll around without me cheif?"** Fuck was that jealousy obvious in your voice? Oh well, he didn't seem to notice and before he could give an answer you begin to lead him away.

 

When you look at him again, he's frowning. Uh oh.  **"What's the matter? What, are you upset I disrupted your little play-date?"** You take the unlit cigarette out and stop walking, and fully face him.  **"Kan. Tell me why you're upset."** Maybe if you sounded more formal he'd give you an answer.

 

Which he does! But it's not one you quite expected. 

 

**"Meulin was talking and you rudely walked away. Not to mention I'm very triggered that you forced your arm around me. Then continued to drag me off! It's very offensive and although I should respectfully give you some slack considering we're an item, I just want to voi-"**

 

A little kiss never hurt anyone, right? So that's what you did, and it shut him up real quick. His face was all red and you chuckled at his flustered tugs on his sweater. **"You're so cute. Listen, I just want us to be together a bit more, 'right? I mean, we're in the end of the world aren't we?"** It's just too adorable when nods his head and gives you a smile. You apologize for being a douche though anyways, because you know this could have been dealt with a lot smoother. Not that you would admit this out loud. 

 

 You push his hair back from his eye's and give him another kiss. This one was more sweet though and in a less 'Shut-the-fuck-up' kind of way. You held his hand and the two of you began to walk back to where Kankri's position was today- lookout. You assumed he bad taken his five minute break to talk to that other girl, which made that churning feeling in your stomach appear again. He wouldn't come and visit you? It was miserable down there!

 

 **"Hey, Kankri?"** You say as the door to the rooftop opens up and you're now looking out at something you've only seen in comic books and movies with amazing graphics. It's a wasteland out there. Most of the buildings are crumbling apart. Some are only half standing while other parts are just piles of rubble that go up to the height of skyscrapers. Everything was depressing not to mention. Colors of grey, black, dusky brown. Pretty much just shades of dirt in front of you with the occasional splash of color from a crushed sports car or something. 

 

 **"Yes Cronus?"** He takes the binoculars from where he must have been sitting before and turned to you with a small smile, and you lean against one of the air compressors. It rumbles and vibrates beneath you. 

 

 **"So uh, you've got nothing... going on with that broad, right? Not that I'm accusing you of like... doing something you shouldn't. It's just that I worry, you know? I don't wanna lose you."** Fuck. Fuck. That sounded terrible, fix yourself quick! Do you want him to think you're just a sappy, squishy pile of chocolate fondue or something?  **"Since she _was_ your first, and last person to be with before I came along, you wouldn't know this uh... feeling." **He's giving you a curious look, the one he makes when he doesn't exactly understand. Good, maybe you could cover up this jealousy easily. 

 

**"You see, when a guy or girl sees their sweetheart with said sweethearts ex, it makes them think sometimes that there's a chance you'll go back to them. It's completely normal though. And with all that time you've been spending with her and not me...?"**

 

He's just staring at you now. His expression is unreadable, or at least one you've never seen before. Did you just dig yourself into a deeper hole? Were you overreacting and he could see right through your bullshit? This was making you a little bit more insecure of yourself. Looking down you ran your fingers through your purposely-greased hair and shook your head.  **"Know what? Never mind. I'm bein' an idiot. Do what ya want Kan I've got no problem with it."** When you look back up he's staring into the binoculars, not giving any response. 

 

Well, you should just keep your trap shut then. That's exactly what you should do. Just don't bring that up... again. Ever. You guess it's better than keeping quiet about it though. Isn't communication important or something in relationships? At least in the one's you want to last. 

 

The awkward tension you feel continues to grow on as both of you remain silent. Getting up, you slowly make your way toward him. With him looking out at all the ruin he sems even smaller than usual. Like a little kid in a big shopping mall, lost. The only difference is that he had a brother and friend's to find him while you didn't really have anyone. Just him. With the exception of those that tolerate you.

 

You're next to him now, and he pushes himself under your arms. Oh, well now you're on top of him. You smile and rest your chin on the top of his head.  **"We're just friends."** You hear him say like it was a confirmation. And you believed him.

 

\---

 

Maybe that was a bit too much. Watching her walk away like that... should you lay off? Well, yeah obviously. But would you listen to common sense? Hell no. That often ran in the Makara family; just doing the opposite of what your thoughts said. 

 

But Jake and Rufioh seem not to be effected by it, so the three of you continue conversing. The subject no longer on her though, but about how survival has been a lot better than expected. Seriously, you didn't even think you would make it this far. Especially with dragging your twin brother and his stuttering mess of a boyfriend with you. At least in a group you wouldn't have to stress over looking after him.

 

There was just one more missing now- Mituna. 

 

When going to see just what happened with his counselor (who was ironically your ex's mom. Thank God she agreed to keep that from her. You just wanted to get better with no possible problems) Mituna had left back home with Latula and then that was it. Your best friend was somewhere either dead, living again, or struggling to survive out there. You had gone to his house two weeks ago but it was completely empty. Ransacked from the looks of it. But you had found her at least. It was quite the surprise; maybe not so pleasant as it could have been. But a surprise nonetheless.

 

After finding her you more or less made her your indirect responsibility. Setting up her own schedules personally and going so far as to help her dressing. Maybe that was a bit too far but... You really didn't know how else to express that you had seriously changed for the better. You tried shining your pendant on the chain around your neck at her, but she didn't even glance at it. You wore short sleeves to show that there were nothing but scars and not fresh open cuts from needles or any of that.

 

Your efforts were useless. Though like any still-lovestruck soul, you were determined. 

 

 **"Alright, I'm gonna go check up on the little guy. See what he's up to."** Rufioh, who you had known about four months into your twin brothers relationship, gave you a nod and started to walk off. Jake ended up staying just to catch up from practice while you sat down and watched. In between shots he'd tell you a bit more about what he did before this all happened.

 

If there was one thing to enjoy about the world being destroyed, it was learning this kind of stuff. You had never exactly met Jake. Ever. Actually most of those here you didn't know. And it was nice to just listen to them and learn things they did or wanted to do.

 

 **"I was going to travel the world. Go through deserts. Trek up mountains. Hike into forests and take into the wilderness for a bit. Dirk was going to join me too; we were planning to get married though beforehand. Make sure we had our lives set in place first."** He shot the toy gun, and a blue dot ran straight through one of the moving targets. You gave a slow nod, your fingers tugging at long strands of grass that hugged around your sneakers. Soon this beautiful park would be over grown... good thing winter was on it's way to stall that from happening for a bit. 

 

Two more shots, and he started again. 

 

 **"Then once that was over, exploring all around the world and having finished our adventures we were going to make books out of them. Not like documents. I've always like reading fantasy..."** He trailed off you lifted your head up. He was now lost in focus at the target. It was... rather far. Usually when you or anyone else shot at that one you were at least two whole yards closer. It was placed to lean against the concrete wall, the farthest target from the others.

 

Watching with interest now, you tried to catch all the details. He seemed to look like some sort of hero from the current view. Army print shorts, white t-shirt with a dark green overcoat. Gun pointed out and the Sun just caught the right features of his face and lightened the tips of his dark brown hair. Wow... If he didn't already have someone, you'd be totally all over this guy.

 

He pulled the brightly colored trigger and everything was slow. The red bead leaving the gun and flinging through at least a good eight meters away. The  _click_ echoed until it was met with a loud  _clack_. He'd done it. In the center of the board was a small hole from where you could see. What... the fuck? That was the most miraculous thing you've fuckin' seen in days. 

 

 **"... Wow."** You're impressed. Standing up while he goes to pick up the tiny beads you tilt your head at the targets. He walked proudly as if he had just won some oscar or whatever. But...this was enough for you. From what you could tel, it was gonna be dinnertime soon. The sky was actually starting to darken and you could faintly hear a few raspy grunts from the other side of one of the walls. Yeah, it was time to go in.

 

 

The next group that had run outside was just returning by dinnertime. Gamzee, Tavros,  and Equius. Telling from the carts they had gone to one of the nearby Walgreen's. There was a bit of blood on Tavros' shirt which caused his older sibling to practically start interrogating him until your own Bro said that it was all motherfucking good and they went up to change his shirt.

 

A majority of you ate in the Main lobby. Most of the furniture was pushed towards the doors as one huge barricade and a few other's strung up blankets over surrounding windows, so you'd be lucky to catch one of the remaining chairs or else it was the floor for you.

 

And that's exactly where you went. Leaning up against a wall next to one of those office water jugs. In your hands was a plate with toast because who the motherfuck didn't enjoy some toast for dinner? Not to mention it was completed with a a spread of butter on both slices. 

 

Enough about toast though. As you scanned the room, more or pess scouting out for her, you had found her talking with a guy in a fuzzy red sweater. Kankri, as you remembered. She was around him a lot... At first you thought maybe she really had moved on from you to be with that guy, but it was quickly shot down because he was obviously with that other greaseball guy Cronus. You never took him to be someone chasin' after guy's but... apparently he did.

 

Speaking of which, where was that cocky douchebag? 

 

You glanced around, taking a bite of your toast. He was walking their way and you watched Meulin start to say goodbye and seemed... lost. Right at the moment you were going to call her name, Horuss appeared and led her to where he was sitting. Well fuck. Looked like you would be eating alone again. Not that it really mattered. Ha, like you would get all depressed about this- you could always catch her by next time. Just had to be quicker.

 

You look next to you and see Gamzee, who's scratching at his arms. He probably just had a smoke.  **"Where's Tav?"** You offer him some from your plate but he stubbornly shakes his head. So as a responsible older twin brother, you force his jaw open and make him eat because you were not letting him go hungry. Merely grunts at you and looks away. 

 

 **"He's taking a shower. A brother didn't want to disrupt him because the Messiahs know what could happen if I do."** You catch him smirking before taking another bite, slowly nodding your head. You're glad at least he's not having... issues like you were. She was like a rock. Dense, hard to break through. She really couldn't stand you, and for all the right reasons to. But everything you had screwed up with, had gotten better! Why couldn't she just... see it?

 

Your thoughts are washed away when one of the doctors that had worked here; Feferi approached you. She's sweet and all but... a bit too nice. And sugar-coated everything as far as you could tell; she wasn't good at facing reality. 

 

 **"Hi! Um, sorry to bother you guys, but I need to do some checkups when you're done? Just to make sure you have no unknown injuries and such."** She gives a smile that's way too cheerful for this kind of situation. The both of you shrug and start to get up. Throwing your plate out in the trash bag as you walk out. Gamzee's arms hang around your shoulder and he puts his face in your hood. 

 

 **"Have you tried their medical marijuana brother?"** You can practically hear the smile in his voice and you bite your lip to suppress a laugh. He's such an idiot. 

 

 **"Just shut up and keep walking."** He tightens his grip around you as you're now in a super bright room with two other's. Oh. Well shit she's here, and so is Porrim. 

 

 **"Alright, you two can take off your shirts please?"** You found yourself staring and look away, nodding zip down your jacket. Then pull off your t-shirt from the back of the collar. Of course the motherfucker next to you needs help, so you do. Both of your torso's and chests are covered in cuts, scars, bruises. You both got into a few rough fights over the past few years. Not only with each other but with others as well. Lest we forget to mention what was going on around now had only caused a few more aggressive survivors trying to take you on.

 

Something cold presses against your back and you tense, but then told it's just a stethoscope. Right. You relax and do as instructed until it's Gamzee's turn next. You look over again and this time, oh this time,  _she_ is the one staring at  _you_. She's blushing when she looks away, so you take it upon your decision to now approach her. Porrim looks at you through the mirror she's in front of, fixing her hair or something.

 

 ** _"So when do you take off your shirt?"_  **No, that was shitty and desperate.  _ **"Hey, I'm sorry about earlier."**_ Nah, you actually weren't sorry about that. Better off not lying. 

 

 **"You okay?"** Bingo. That seems to do the trick because she looks at you, and doesn't seem angry or even frustrated with you. For a few seconds at least until a frown is slapped on and she's back to glaring. 

 

 **"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"** Her voice is sour and behind you there's a roughed up Gamzee giving Feferi a hard time. You turn your head and give him a look, and he slumps back over. Did he just... growl? Whatever. Not really your problem right now.

 

 **"Because I've sort of been trying to get your attention and I wanted to know if something was wrong. I kind of saved your life and I was at least expecting a thank you."** That made you sound like a jerk... oh well.

 

 **"Maybe I didn't want saving."** She scoffs, and now you feel everyone's eye's on the both of you. She shifts uncomfortably and stares at the ground.  **"You have nooo clue."** She mutters, and you hold back the urge to wince at how... frozen she sounds. Like some lifeless machine when she says that.

 

 **"Then give me a clue. I'll stop by your room later, alright?"** You're being tugged back before she can even nod or shake her head. The hands on your shoulders are moving down your back and withhold a sudden choke in your throat when they push down on your side. It comes out like you're clearing your throat and the little fucker next to you laughs. He knows it hurt. There was a huge bruise from when you and your brother had decided to practice some fighting like usual. It sort of turned into a full on fight and a kick to the side had brought you down. It was a cheap shot but it worked.

 

 **"Okay! All done, you can leave now."** Both of you are quick to leave, carrying your stuff and giving a wave to the three remaining inside of the room and walking back. There's a bandage around his shoulder blade and you tilt your head. 

 

 **"Is that where the guy at the bar cut you up with that uh... the butterfly knife?"** It was a nasty cut and what made it worse was that the knife was blunt. It needed stitches and everything but like the useless unintelligent person he was, just cleaned it up and went to bed when coming home.

 

 **"Yeah... it reopened and she had to all up and make sure it had no infection. She wouldn't just put on of those little bandaids with the cute dogs on'em to cover it up. It needed more 'protection' so it didn't get worse."** He sounded irritated and his whining was starting to get annoying now. Good thing when you both came back Tavros was waiting. That seemed to calm him down.

 

Oh yeah, you were still topless. You pulled your shirt back on and gave him one last glance before going up the stairs back to your room to get your clean on. Would tonight be considered as some date...? No. No, just catching up. Let's put it like that.


	6. Lovestruck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's some Gamtav smut here so I put dashes '---' in bold so you know when it begins and where to skip to if you don't wish to read any of it

**_"Hey, rise and shine little man."_ ** _You suddenly feel cold and curl up into a little ball, groaning in complaint because your blanket was pulled away from you. As far as you remembered, it was Saturday. Your college classes begin on Tuesday again, so you should still be in your blanket until it hits eleven. But nah, that's not gonna happen. Not when you have Rufioh Nitram for an older brother._

 

_You're picked up, easily slung over his shoulder and carried out of your room. **"R-Rufioh... my legs..."** You're too tired for this shit. Ever since your legs had been removed up to your knee he's been taking advantage to your even lighter weight and carrying you, tossing you, just about anything possible until you complain long enough._

 

 **_"You can get them later Bro. You've got company."_ ** _Company? Who would come to see you?_

 

_Your vision is blurry when you open them, and you rub them until you can at least clearly see the numbers on the stove clock. It's ten, so... Nepeta maybe? She is an early riser but she always gives you a two day notice. Maybe it was Aradia. But you can't recall any texts or calls of her asking if you were free this weekend._

 

_You're then plopped onto the couch. The furniture is cold against your skin and that's when you realize you're still without a shirt and in your boxers. Oh God, your friends couldn't see you barely cothed, that was weird!_

 

 **_"Yoo, you're awake!"_ ** _Arms are wrapped around you and now you're in the all too familiar boy's lap that belongs to your boyfriend. Oh. Okay, this is fine then. You hear your brother chuckle and grab for the keys on the coffee table while you're still trying to get yourself fully awake so you can give him to proper attention you usually give him instead of lazy cuddles._

 

 **_I'll be out for a while. Gotta go check up on my car at that guy's shop; uh... I think his name's Horuss... anyways, don't wait up lil' Bro."_ ** _He ruffles the stripe of hair on your head and you nod, leaning back a little and yawning. The two of you were considered 'Irish Twins' since you were only thirteen months apart. But if someone compared the both of you they would have believed him to be at least two years older, maybe three._

 

_When he leaves you begin to get used to the sunlight bleeding in through the pale curtains and turn your head a little to face the smiling clown under you. **"Hi."** You grin as he kisses the top of your head. His fingers comb through your flat messy mohawk and nuzzles into your shoulder. He smells like cigarettes orange soda. You can tell he tried putting on body spray his brother bought him last week. But he also smelled like his clothes just came fresh out of the dryer... He's a mess of scents to put it in short._

 

 **_"You were alseep forever man. I had to talk to Rufioh for like, an hour and a half until he all up and woke a brother up."_ ** _His voice is muffled and his breath is hot against your skin. You don't know what to focus more on; his voice or the really nice feeling of him playing with your hair. You shudder a little, and you can feel his lips turn up into a smile. He starts kissing the back of your neck and while you would enjoy a morning makeout session, you need breakfast first._

 

_You wiggle your stumps for legs and he stops. **"Something wrong Tav?"** He sounds genuinely concerned. He always does when you stop these kinds of things, always worried he had slipped up or something. Since you were his 'motherfucking miracle' he always put you first. _

 

 **_"No. I'm just uh... just a little hungry."_ ** _And cold. Damn, why wasn't the heat on? Your arms are wrapped around your torso and Gamzee begins to shift out from under you. You're left alone on the couch for a few moments, and smile when he comes back with your prosthetics. You reach out for them and he helps you put on your right leg while you put on the left._

 

 **_"You maybe wanna go out to eat?"_ ** _He looks up at you and helps you off the couch. You could go for an Ihop or something. Pancakes sounded really good about now... So you nod your head and look back down the hall where your room was. You needed clothes on first._

 

_Your sitting on your bed, pulling your dark brown vest over a loose white shirt. The shorts you have on cover only a few inches of your metallic legs. Gamzee buttons the vest up for you, even though you were perfectly capable of it on your own. His head turns up to you again, eye's almost covered completely behind his messy head of hair. You lean down to kiss him, but he's already beaten you more than halfway there and you find yourself being pushed back into the bed. So much for avoiding making out to go get food. Well... maybe you weren't that hungry anyways._

 

_A new sense of warmth covers your body and you start to moan softly._

 

 **_"Tav... Tav...? Tavros._ _Taaaavbrooo."_ ** _You tried to reply but you couldn't. He was... whispering. For some reason you couldn't find the air to breathe and then your body jolted up from it's position._

 

You didn't remember where you had been for the first couple of seconds. You were laying on your side. A thick blanket covered your body and felt something poking at your cheek. Gamzee was calling your name, his body close to yours with your back right up against his chest.  **"There's sleeping beauty! A motherfucking miracle you woke up."** He kissed your cheek and you start to sit up, the blanket falling to your lap.

 

 **"Sorry... I was having a really uh, nice dream..."** It was more like a memory. That must've been the morning  a few days before everything turned to shit and suddenly everyone was dropping like flies and resurrecting left and right. 

 

 **"Oh... that's what was happening up in there."** He started ruffling your hair a bit.  **You kept movin' around. I thought a motherfucker was having some wicked bad dreams in his thinkpan.".** You chuckle at that, and give a quick shake of your head. It was anything but a nightmare honestly speaking.  **"So what was your mind broadcasting in there? Was it about me?"** He was teasing, but it made you wonder if you weren't only moving in your sleep...

 

 **"Yeah."** You're blushing at his smirk and now he's just centimeters away from you.  **"It was  like a replay from one of the mornings** **you came over... It was nice."** He raises a brow, making a sound that seemed to encourage you to go on.  **"Rufioh uh, left and we were gonna go out for breakfast but...?"** His arm worms its way around your waist and you're in a warm embrace. You start to bite on your lip as he rubs circles right above your hip bones. You arch your back a little and he laughs, starting to press his lips to the space in between your neck and shoulders.

 

You need to do something with your hands... It's awkward just sitting there doing nothing but you're not exactly in a position where you  _can_ do much. The farther he travels up your neck though you know pretty soon you actually won't be capable of doing anything. You'll be like play-doh and molded into nothing but short gasps and moans if he keeps this up.

 

**\---------------------------**

 

So you do something. But your actions are quickly shot down as a hand pushes into your chest and he's now straddling what's left of your lower half. He holds your chin up, tilts your head to the side and starts attacking your neck again. You're pretty sure there's already new hickeys joining with the older one's. He starts to roll his hips against yours and you can feel the tent in his baggy pajama pants. You're almost positive that he planned this but you honestly don't care. The last time you guy's got this intimate was too long ago for the both of you.

 

You realize you're actually doing something now. You're tugging at his curly strands of hair and trying to catch his lips onto yours whenever he came close enough. But he would quickly pull away just before you could make actual contact. Fucking tease.

 

 **"Gamzee....!"** You groan as he pushing against you harder, and you're soon drowning your groans and moaning into his lips. His tongue licks a stripe from your chin to your bottom lip where he then tugs at with his teeth. He's panting, but you're no better. Maybe even worse considering you could barely hold yourself together at this point. 

 

There's no such thing as death. The outside doesn't exist. You're not in an abandoned hospital with several other survivors that have their own lives and  own problems. You are with Gamzee Makara on a matress  beginning to take off one another's clothes.

 

Gamzee was a bit selfish though. He didn't want to part his lips from your body for a second too long so your night shirt was just hoisted up above your chest. Gamzee rarely wore clothes in general when sleeping, but the pajama pants he was wearing were now down to his knees and the only thing between both of your erections was the thin fabric of boxers. 

 

You started to push at his chest and he backed off a little, a small string of spit forming between a new spot on your shoulder and his lip.  **"So are we gonna up and do this or are you just teasin' me?"** He's looking at you expectantly and huffs when you feel him rock into you again. You bite your lip to stop yourself from moaning again and reach up to him.

 

 **"I want to uh, kiss you too though."** It had taken a really long time to actually voice your wants. Gamzee would normally blink at you innocently like he was a confused puppy waiting for a command. Later in the future you had learned it was just a way for him to know just how far you were willing to go. Like said before, you were his motherfucking miracle and he put your wants before him no matter how much you objected. 

 

He chuckles and leans down, his forehead up against yours as you're just staring at each other.  **"You're so motherfucking cute Tav. Honk."** As he honks you feel him palm the tension still forming in your boxers and you squeal. You. Fucking.  _Squealed_. And it made him  _wild_. 

 

The contact between your lips meet again and this time you're in control. At least, as much as you can get. With your little game of dominance in tongues he ended up winning but you didn't mind really. After all you probably would have kept stopping and making thing's awkward. 

 

You're starting to slowly push down his boxers to join with the clothing at his knees. He stops for a moment, before continuing the best makeout you've had in what seemed like forever. He hooked his thumbs around the waistband of your own and slid them off with ease. You whine a little but a quick nip at your tongue cuts you short.

 

His hands are around your length and the sounds tha flow from you are sure to be heard in the hallway. Who else occupied this unit? There was John and Vriska... you think you've seen Jake and Dirk here too. Dirk you'd become really good friend's with here; talking about your favorite animes and all. He was really ni-

 

 **"F-Fuck. Gamzee st-stop."** You did  _not_ want to finish this quick. You were so caught up in stupid thoughts that you weren't even giving him any attention! You feel terribly guilty, but then you realize your words practically meant nothing. Either that or he couldn't hear you at all. Your hands tighten into fists around his hair and you pull forward as you whine again. 

 

A white flash of heat passes through you and when you open your eye's again, not realizing they were closed, both your body's are white and... sticky. Gross, now you need a shower. But you couldn't be done now. Especially when your partner didn't get as much enjoyment as you did.

 

 **"We're not done, right?"** You let go of his hair and look to the nightstand. There's a box of dusty tissues so you use those to clean up for now. Admittedly, you were a neat freak and the OCD of things being clean came at the worst time's. You drop everything into the trash can next to the bed.

 

He's back at your collar bone, his tongue pressing flat against the bone and shrugging.  **"Only if you're done man. I'm all up for some cuddles too if you want. We've got tonight still."** Not only that, but you're pretty sure he's going to finish off one way or another whether or not it's with you are his left hand.

 

**\----------------------------**

Cuddles actually sounded really good right now. But you still felt a little bad. He pressed his hands against yours and held them, both of you laughing. It wasn't until you heard the door slam open you both stopped, Gamzee sort of shielding you, and the realization that the two of you were fully naked made you squeal and tug the blanket over you and Gamzee. At the door was a seriously pissed off Vriska.

 

 **"It is the middle of the fucking day! I fucking. Swear. To. _God._ If you can't keep yourselves quiet, I will come in here personally and cut off your dicks, and feed them to the freaky things outside. Got it?" **You nod, eye's wide and practically shaking under her stare. You weren't sure if Gamzee even gave a reply but she seemed okay with it and slammed the door shut. You heard boyish snickering outside and started to sit up.

 

 **"It... It's really that late? Gamzee..."** You look over at the other, who's already getting out from under the blanket and gathering the clothes on the floor. You get a full view of his back, which is covered in marks but mostly in tattoos. You didn't know why he got it, but there was one of some sort of mythical mer-goat that started at one shoulder blade, and a flow of water with tiny fish behind it. Then in the center below it there were the drama masks, one smiling and one frowning. That one was pretty cool though too, and seemed like a distraction from the silly tattoo above it.

 

Along his arm he had your name on the inside, with swirls and keltic knots, along with one fairy wing at the 'T' and another at the 'S'. Those were the most memorable one's. You had two tattoos of your own. Only two though, and one Rufioh didn't even know about. The one he did have knowledge of was the Taurus sign at the back of your neck. The other was one you got during a killer high with Gamzee that said 'Peter Pan' on your side. On top was the little hat with the feather. It was pretty cool now though and you'd grown to like it.

 

 **"You're staring again."** He avoided your question, but you don't point it out. You haven't been sleeping much, so he probably wanted you to sleep in as much as you could. And yes- you had been staring. He doesn't like stares... it makes him feel weird.

 

You look down and mutter an apology, and start scooting over to edge where your prosthetic legs were and proceed to put them on after finding where your boxers went and slid those on beforehand. You push yourself up and watch Gamzee look around the room. He lit a cigarette and held your clothes in one hand, a lighter in the other. 

 

When he looks like this, it reminds you of the first time you two had met.

 

_**"Um... I want... no. Wait, yes! I'll take a medium ice coffee with..."** This had to have been the most difficult costumer in weeks. He couldn't make up his mind, before he had even started ordering he tried starting conversation by asking if you thought the possibility of other life forms in space could be true, and then laughed into his phone when you answered. There was some shouty kid on the other end and he hung up midway as it seemed to have gotten more intense._

 

_Not only that, but he had even begun to flirt with you. Aradia was in the back, and you caught her make kissy faces at you and giggling. She was a pretty awesome best friend, but now really wasn't the time for her teasing. You could smell smoke like th  guy had walked through a wall of fire and hair, wild and messy, was tamed under a black beenie with purple spots. His fashion was pretty odd too._

 

_Baggy jeans, purple hightops, a black shirt obviously two sizes too big for him and a too-small red hoodie that read 'Vantas' at the shoulder. He looked like a wannabe gangster or something... Holy shit maybe he was._

 

**_"Do you guy's got any motherfucking cherries too? I'd like that with some whipped cream... chocolate syrup... and your number."_ ** _Aradia snorted and he gave her a quick glance, waving to her before turning back to you. He leaned over the counter, propping up his elbows and putting his chin in his hands. You were blushing. Really bad, too and he knew you were getting flustered._

 

**_"That'll be $4.20, Mr. Vantas..."_ ** _You pick up a cup and freeze when he begins to laugh. You give him an odd look and tilt your head._

 

**_"Four-Twenty? 'Eyyyy!"_ ** _He snaps his finger with one hand and points to you, laughing. You couldn't help but laugh back and start to write out the last name on the clear plastic cup. **"Oh, and it's not Vantas. This is my friends jacket. I'm Gamzee Makara brother."** Brother...? Well you had no problem with that. Fixing the mistake, you bring it to Aradia who started up the machines. You go into the back where most of the cold stuff like milk and ice are kept, and tear off a napkin from the side. With the marker still in hand, you start to think. _

 

_You don't have much time, though. Your friend begins to place in the mix and you try to think of the pro's and con's for this. He's a stranger. But a nice stranger. It could be an act. Then again it might not be..._

 

_You scribble down numbers, hoping he'll be able to read them and take the drink just as it's ready. You put the napkin under the cup and slide it forward. **"Have a good day, Mr. Makara. See you again soon."** This time he gives you the strange look, and glances down at the napkin as he pulls it out. He smirks, and gives you a wink and smile that makes your cheek burn red. _

 

**_"Yes we motherfucking will."_ **

 

 **"I'm gonna take our shit to the laundry room and get some clothes for us."** He gives you a quick kiss that tastes like the cigarette in his hand and starts to head out, now in his pajama pants again. He'll probably change down there but you don't expect him to come back for a few minutes telling by what's still pressing up at the soft fabric.

 

 **"Love you..."** You murmur as he leaves. He gives you a side smile and echoes your words before actually disappearing from sight. A familiar face pokes in through the doorway next, and you smile.  **"Hey Rufioh, what's uh... what's up?"** He looks a little concerned, and sits down on the bed, probably completely unaware of what had happened on it just moments earlier.

 

**"I think I'm in love, little bro."**


	7. Better Days

Your name is Sollux Captor, and you're stuck with the most idiotic crew one could have when trying to survive an apocalypse. You have your older brother with his girlfriend, who are absolutely no help at all. The most they've done is destroy the food supply and complain about how bored they are. Then you have your longtime friend Aradia, who's a bit on the off side. She loved this kind of stuff and experiencing it firsthand has made her very... joyful.

 

 **"AA, theriouthly?"** She's looking at the undead corpse you had just killed. Examining the cut your knife had put through it's skull. It was weird- just seeing her stare at it like some  killer science experiment in junior year. That was a favorable day of yours. When she got so enthusiastic about dissecting something that she had to retry three time's because her hands would shake so much that the incisions would be incorrect.

 

 **"I'm just trying to determine if it'll come back a second time. Or if direct damage to the brain will permanently keep it dead."** She pulls on latex gloves, and looks at you, shrugging.  **"For science, Sollux! How else are we going to find a way to beat this?"** You adjust the strap.around your shoulder and look away, scowling at the disgusting sound of rotting flesh tear. Did she have to be so loud? Jegus it was like she was trying to disturb you on purpose!

 

Then it goes silent, and you allow yourself to look. Bad idea. Abort. Abort! 

 

You're gagging and press up against the car behind you. That was the single most disgusting thing you had ever witnessed. That didn't even look like blood! It was a gross marron/black color as just... there was so much! Why?!

 

 **"AA. Back away from the zombie."** No way in this Hell were you letting her touch that anymore. Even with the safe coverage of gloves. Just... no. You were happy to see she was listening though, and peeled off the gloves with a disappointed sigh. Either it was because you chickened out and told her no more, or she didn't discover anything new.

 

 **"What's in your bag? We need _something_ to bring back."** Living with two of the most useless beings on earth really put a damper on trying to live through this. At least Latula had some boundaries and knew when to stop with the shit. But your brother was like a toddler and brought chances of survival close to zero.

 

You take the bag off your shoulders and look through it, shrugging. You show her a few cans and an unopened case of oreos you were lucky enough to dig out of a car wreck. You and your group were living just at the edges of the town. On the highway were thousands of cars that had crashee into each other, other things, or had simply broke down. It was a bit harder now finding things since everything was almost picked clean by you guy's. Soon the city would be your only option.

 

 **"It'll last at least two days if we can keep Tuna under control. You know... maybe it wouldn't be that bad. Searching beyond here, I mean. Maybe we can find other people! Maybe I'll find my sister, too. Our other friends..."** Yeah. She had a lot more friend's than you did. You hadn't really kept in touch with any of your own friends for the last year. You'd been busy with your own things. Burying yourself with work and all. You were surprised when Aradia had asked if you wanted to hang out, catch up. Normally you would have rescheduled and replied with a 'maybe next time' but something compelled you to see her. Thank God you did because now that she's here, you're positive that's what's been keeping you sane.

 

 **"Maybe. But let'th jutht head home for now. It'th getting dark and Latula can only keep that mush-for-brain idiot calm for tho long."** With a nod from the other you picked up your bags and headed off. You wondered what she had found today. Usually you went over each other's contents at home and her asking beforehand onky lead you to think she hadn't found nearly enough to sustain four.

 

The walk home was usually silent so not to attract anything toward you. The house you currently occupied was Aradia's- a one story country styled house. It was strong and had endured a lot and from what she told you- over a century old. Of course it was. 

 

You'd run into a few more of those walking demons and let her explore them a bit more. It was  just weird but with her work at the morgue, it must've been normal to see weird things like that. 

 

When you finally reached to the house though you quietly shut the door and placed a chair back under the knob while she pushed the coffee table against it. The house was silent and for a moment your heart dropped and just when you were about to stomp your way into their room when a long haired girl with those signature red tinted glasses was in front of you, holding a finger to your lips.

 

 **"The babe is sleeping, alright? I'm about to go take a killer nap to so we're outta your way."** Her voice was just above a whisper. You pushed her hand away and frowned as she pulled up her hand and gave a forced high-five before disappearing through the hallway. Oh.. well that was okay too. 

 

Aradia giggled from behind you, sliding off her bag and taking long, elegant strides to the kitchen. She seemed so mesmerizing when she walked. You could watch her for hours just going back and forth. Sometimes, when the mood was just right you would catch her humming and dancing a little, which made you smile until your head hits the pillow.

 

You follow, and set your own bag on the counter and lean over it, trying not to stare at her. Since this had all started the two of you had practically become inseparable. A much closer friend than anyone you'd ever met, or thought to have such an emotional, trustworthy bound to. 

 

She dumps out what was in her bag, a sly smile on her face when she starts spacing them out. You don't see anything special. A few unopened bottles of water. Was that a can of soup? Okay... an old blanket; it was getting closer to winter and with no artificial heat, blanket a had become very important. Then a tiny wrapped...? Jesus where did she...! 

 

You pick up the bright orange packet and almost swoon over het. She knew! And was even lucky enough to find it, let alone remember!  **"AA, you are officially the chothen one. Holy fuck... ramen?!"** You had to keep your cool though. Yeah, you felt totally warm and special because she had thought of you specifically, but you shouldn't express too much. That's not what cool nerds like you do.

 

You calmly place down the packet and give her a side hug. She returns with a wet kiss on the cheek that makes you internally scream because your fucking senpai had noticed you. Outwardly, your reaction is grumpy with a bitter rub from your shirt to get her sticky saliva off your face. You're pretty sure dating anyone or having feelings like this was moronic. Especially when they could die at any time of day but... it was weird. You just couldn't stop yourself from feeling these things.

 

You slowly start organizing things into place because your OCD wouldn't allow you to walk away with everything spread out across the counter. While she takes the extra blanket and sets it up in the hallway closet, you find yourself quietly stepping into where your brother was sleeping. Your face was blank seeing him bundled up on the matress with Latula basically playing as the big spoon. Hmm.

 

 **"You're not planning on waking him up, are you?"** Her whisper behind you causes your legs to spazz out and hit your head into the door frame. You curse under your breath and hear a weak grunt from the two on the bed and abscond the fuck out of there. The side of your head is now pulsing with pain and your sweet friend who's fault for it was hugging you tightly, apologizing and trying to hide the laughter in her voice.

 

You only roll your eye's and peel yourself away, closing the door and sighing.  **"I wath jutht theeing if he wath okay. He'th been really... calm about everything. I don't know if it'th becauthe he doethn't underthtand or if it'th hith way of coping."** Seriously the guy has been notjing but normal (for his standards) and it only irritated you further. He just couldn't take anything seriously! He was a hazard and your patience was dropping even further by the day.

 

You step away from Aradia and take a spot on the couch, cleaning your glasses with the hem of your shirt.  **"We'll go back out later tonight. This time the city. We can't risk going hungry, and you know we can handle a bit more danger. You can throw knives with the accuracy of a sniper!"** She's leaning over the couch, looking at you with a big smile. You couldn't say no. Not like you had a decision, really. Just that at night it seemed a bit more likely to die.

 

 **"Why not wait till morning? You thaid what I had alone would be okay for at leatht two day'th."** You lean to the side as she hops over and is now at your side. She's scratching at her thighs through her jeans, and you know she's nervous about something. Living with someone in such close quarters for almost two months sure helps you read other people.

 

 **"What'th the matter AA?"** She looked up at you again and cleared her throat. It made you anxious. She was usually so positive and upbeat. Always keeping you on your toes and managing to keep you sane at the same time. But someone who could provide so much, wasn't indestructible either.

 

 **"I just want to find other's out there. We can't be the only here. This is a big city, and it isn't far from here to my sister's place or even Tavros'. Maybe at least one of them stayed at their home's..."** She leaned into your shoulder, and you put your arms around her with a slow nod. You vaguely knew Tavros from a few of your classes during middle school. Sometimes you saw him and Karkat talking too when he would stop at your lunch table and swap homework assignments. 

 

 **"Okay... okay. We'll go ath thoon ath you're ready to go."** For a few minutes neither of you move. Not that you mind. Moments like this you want to cherish as long as possible when the world outside is dying and crumbling apart. This is the closest you've really ever allowed yourself to be with anyone for... year's. It felt nice.

 

 

 **"Thith wath your houthe?"** You're currently standing in front of an old house with Japanese? Decoration. It didn't look like a very friendly place but... maybe it was just on the  outside. 

 

 **"Yep! Since sophomore year until I could get my own place."** She takes your hand and guides you around the few limp bodies on the ground that had fresh new wounds at the side's of their heads. It takes a few moments but she  manages to break open the door and get inside. You've never seen house decor like this.

 

Everything looks handmade. The rug, small paper lanterns hanging from the cieling, the thick curtains at the windows. Most of the furniture looked like it came from some ancient antique store in the middle of Asia or something. It was... intriguing.

 

Glancing to your side you saw Aradia now sitting on the floor, staring at the foot-tall table in the middle of the room. She picked up a bright orange object, and turned it over in her finger a few time's. You were hesitant, but had took a seat next to her. She was looking at an origami figure... probably. You interpreted it as some sort of dragon but at the same time it looked like a chicken as well. Huh...

 

 **"Nothing's touched. I guess she wasn't able to get home from work. Either that or she just didn't waste time on packing things to leave."** You acutely noted the tiny crack in her voice, and put an arm over  her shoulder. 

 

 **"How about we pack up what we can carry, and go back in the morning. Early enough that Mituna will still either be asleep or busy doing who knows what with Latula."** You offer a smile and she nods her head slowly. You both turn your head when you hear something outside. Though it didn't sound like the now-normal noises from the undead. It was... cackling. Jeering almost and it came from outside the door followed with a tired sigh.

 

 **"Brother, _please_. You're going to attract more if you don't keep quiet!" ** You look at each other and frown, slowly getting up and taking a quick peek from between the bright colored curtains. Two people stood outside. One had a mask covering half his face. You couldn't get the exact details on it, but his clothes looked sixties style with suspenders and brown plaid pants. Ew.

 

The girl looked a bit more normal though. Cross dressing in a green vest with white undershirt and black dress pants. Still weird though... Anyways, they were both armed with more weapons than the both of you with just a few daggers and her two pistols. They had heavy artillery like they just came back from the military or something. They glanced your way and you pulled your head back. Aradia alwas slowly turning the lock at the door and you held your breath. 

 

 **"Did you see that?"** Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! 

 

You held a finger to your lips and beckoned her over, and crouched under the window just as the shots started firing through the walls.


	8. Friend of a Friend of a....

**"Hey! W-what the fuck is goin' on?"** Your stupid stutter. It was just another tick to your Aspergers when you got over-stimulated. Like excited, upset, that kind of shit. Right now you had a rightful reason to be since your colleague just shot God knows how many bullets into some randoms persons house. You had only left them for two minutes to rendezvous at the shopping center. When you heard bullets being fired you immediately thought something had come up, so you had cut off through the alleys only to see the twins standing in front of an ancient looking apartment. Or... was it? Maybe it was just a really tiny house with huge buildings surrounding it...

 

Anyways, as usual the eldest of the two was grinning a cheshire grin at you. Meanwhile his sister was leaning up against what looked like used to be the door, littered with holes with a frown on her face.  **"He thinks there's someone in there. And instead of thinking rationally, he thought with his alter ego."** She stuck her tongue out at Caliborn, which he mirrored before looking towards you.

 

 **"So. Eridan. You comin' in or what?"** He was focused onto you again, lifting up the mask that covered about half his face. He was serious- someone was really in there. Dead or alive, now. But did they seriously hold that much of a threat?

 

With a nod of your head the two of you climb in through the broken window, making sure not to touch the jagged pieces of glass that stuck out at the edges of the  frame. You adjust the scarf around your neck and frown as glass crunches under your violet hightops. As far from what you could see, there wasn't even a trace of someo- ohh... fuck.

 

 **"Blood."** You state in a bland tone, kneeling down and pushing away one of the torn curtains. Bullets didn't shred... they must have ripped it off to help with whatever injury this person had. It was fresh as well, not even yet staining into the flat orange carpet until Caliborn walked forward and pressed his finger into it, and rubbed the tacky blood between his thumb and index.

 

 **"Not rotten either. So it wasn't from any infected either."** He wiped it off on his shirt and the both of you glanced outside the shattered opening when Calliope jumped in. A few groans sounded behind her and with a sigh, she took out a pistol and hooked on the silencer, shooting three stumbling corpses outside. 

 

 **"There's more coming from both side's of the street. We need to hurry... is there an exit? In the back?"** She placed the hand-held back into her holster and her twin gave a stubborn grunt. You swore they were exact opposites despite being twins. Though it sort of reminded you of how your own family would fight... 

 

No. Don't think about that. He's dead to you because of what he did... backstabbing man-whore is what he is. Just wanting to play his little fairytale  _The Outsiders_ had gotten old a long time ago...

 

A small pull off your shoulder broke your thoughts and now you were being tugged along down an empty hall. Caliborn busted a door open with the butt of his gun and the three of you plowed inside the bedroom. A low set window was already cracked through and there were more, bigger spots of blood on the floor. The person(s) that were here though were in the back of your mind. Right now you had to leave and make sure your friends were safe as well.

 

You pulled over your black gloves and pushed the glass from the windowsill, and helped Calliope out first. She gave you a platonic smooch on the cheek in thanks, which dazed you a bit. When she walked off into the empty lot it was like one of those movie scenes where the camera zooms in onto her and you become lovestruck for a second.

 

But only a second, because a certain grumpy, but protective brother punches your jaw and you are dragged out just as they began piling into the small house. Good thing they closed the bedroom door. It would take a while for that to break down. You hoped.

 

 **"Where's your gun? Did you fucking leave without it?"** Your rifle, right. You knew this would probably stir up some questions. 

 

 **"Jack has it. I know I can protect myself w-without it. And him fighting with just that sword... I think it's goin' blunt too."** Your stutter is getting a bit better as you catch your breath, leaning against the brick wall.  **"So, we still going after the person you saw or what? They might have a group."** Thing was though, everyone in your party of four (one was missing, probably waiting at the house impatiently) knew that when someone was in a group, you went to raid. Four was just the magic number. Why not use this lucky digit to gang up and bring down any bigger competition when theh least expect it? Not to mention all the supplies you all collected since establishing this unofficial rule.

 

 **"Calliope is looking for a trail now. And- hey,"** He kicks the back of your knee, and your kneeling down looking up at him. He caught you off guard and even if you're in the perfect condition to fight the shorter man back, those reflexes he had with that semi-automatic is terrifying.  **"you look at her like that again and there's a bullet going through your leg.  She doesn't deserve _love_. She deserves to struggle surviving until either I, or Jack decide she's done for."**  

 

Right. Calliope was currently being used because of the people she knew. Friend's of hers that knew many other's. Apparently she saw them at the hospital and though Jack promised that they would soon join with them when they knew they could properly handle themselves (in case the hypothetical time came for them to hypothetically leave the group if shit went down there).

 

It was a little sad since they lied so easily to her face and she believed them. Calliope wasn't a gullible person, but when it came to the topic of her friend's you found she was easily persuaded if promised to see them.

 

 **"Right. I know-w. I fuckin' get it."** You get up, patting at your jeans when she returns in a bright happy skip. Behind her you see... Huh. Maybe he hadn't made it to the house. He was pretty close though, it was only a few blocks from here.

 

 **"Mister Noir sort of lost track of where he was. But he _did_ see two very alive looking chaps running away from here while taking care of a small group of fleshies." **Right. She named them 'Fleshies'. Weird but it had become adapted into your vocabulary too, along with the others.

 

 Jack handed you your gun with a disgruntled huff and flicked his sword, rotted blood hitting the pavement with a sickening splat. Obviously he hadn't taken a liking to your offer and just used his shitty sword. Typical- the egotastic douche-face.

 

Jack was a strange guy though. He was at least double your age, about every visible part of his body crossed with scars along with one still healing going down his left eye. It was gross, especially that one week when it wall all infected and he couldn't see out of it. Disgusting...

 

Anyways, he had been with Callie and Caliborn since the beginning of all of this. From what she said, Jack was sort of like a distant Uncle or something in their family line and had worked as a personal guard for many famous celebrities and US officials. Weird considering how he seemed really quick to take matters into his own hands but that's probably why people hired him.

 

Strapping the gun around your shoulder, given to you since your older half-brother was entitled as the failure of the family and kicked out. Served him right anyways, after what that bastard did...

 

But now's not the time to dwell on your past life. It's nothing but the ashes of memories that mean little to nothing. You're being led through a series of backroads, empty buildings and shortcuts to where Jack had seen them disappear to. It led a dead end. And a very long street with numerous fleshies wandering around. 

 

 **"Are you sure they e-w-en got this far? What if we passed them and they were hiding or somethin'?"** You hardly believed anyone, with the burden of an injured person or possibly themselves as well, could get through this alive. But a sharp push from Caliborn made you quiet as Jack continued moving along. 

 

 **"We're gonna take this slow a'right? You kid's, follow me. You can go on your own."** You would be lying if you said you weren't offended. You could handle yourself alone knowing there was someone that at least was close enough to have your back but... You wanted to prove yourself a bit more to the others. Show them you were a lot more useful thn they thought.

 

Not to mention, Noir protected the twins like they were his own or something. Must be some weird family thing.

 

With a short nod you separate ways and continue to the right side while they head to the left. You hit the butt of your gun to a few heads and step back in with utter distaste with a scowl. Ugh, they better not get blood on your awesome shoes or scarf when you crush their skulls. Filthy beings... why were they even here? Punishment?

 

You were never one to be very... faithful to any sort of religion but you recalled there being some sort of doomsday where everyone's sent to Hell and the lucky one's get to be angels and live forever on silly clouds like... like sky fairies or some shit. You always hated angels anyways. 'Saints'. 'Perfect beings'. Fuck that noise.

 

Right now you're approaching your first house. Checking into the windows, pressing her head up against the door to see if there was any noise coming from inside. It went on like this for about five house's down. A subtle thud or scuffle but the only cause was a fleshie inhabiting the house. They scared the fuck out of you when they would stand idle. They could snap their heads at you any second and start giving chase. Like a horror movie come to life. Wait  that's exactly what this was.

 

The others in your team were still halfway through. Just as you got eye contact with Calliope, Noir had his sword pushed into one's throat and tilted it up, killing it and pulling his sword away. Caliborn murmured something to him, and his sister started approaching you.

 

 **"I think you should probably stay w-with your brother, Cal. You know-w, so you don't get into any trouble..."** Fuck, you're ticking again. You try to distract yourself from it with loosening the scarf around your neck and fixing your glasses. She made you so nervous... it was like walking on eggshells especially when her sibling was right in view. Not that either of you had anything going on but... Caliborn jumped to conclusions a lot and was very... trigger-happy.

 

 **"That bloke won't do anything as long as we're not doing anything stupid."** She giggles, going to the next house. You're at the end of the street now. Beyond it is thick forests where you know leads to the highway if you keep going straight through. 

 

You follow Calliope and she goes to the back, while you check out the front. The porch steps give a loud creaking groan of complaint that makes you wince. But after that there's noise. Like something bumping into the wall followed by muffles voices. That was definitely human and not just... however you could describe undead sounds. 

 

You don't alert your friend, because you're pretty sure you've got this on your own anyways. With a few twists and some pulling/pushing on the knob though, it remains shut. Locked. Of course! Idiot.

 

So you decide to check out what's around it. You can here Callie humming in the backyard and catch a glimpse of her long bleached white hair, as she's looking farther back into the yard. Huh... interesting. As long as she's careful though, because who knew how many fleshies could pile out of nowhere on top of her. And who's fault would it be? Yours. Who would get a bullet to the face? You.

 

So you continue with the little examination, keeping in mind to look over at your partner every few seconds. She's hanging upside down from an old rusty swing and you can't help but smile a little. She's like some little kid when alone, but put her in front of other's and she's the most level headed out of them all. 

 

The window you come across catches your attention. Not the way you'd want to go, more of a straight-in, get-the-job-done kind of guy but hey beggars can't be choosers. Looks like you would use stealth and surprise for this one. Could get...  bloody if you're not careful though. Even if, what you assume, there's only two people there they're surely armed at least with a gun. Even a knife would be lethal if one was still just as able bodied as you.

 

The window is surprisingly unlocked. They must've thought you hadn't heard and walked away? Or maybe believed you would be stupid enough to just try a door and leave. Either way you placed your gun on the floor and climbed in after, picking it up and placing it over your shoulder again. It was a bedroom. Sheets on the floor and clothes everywhere. A red and teal skateboard sat in the corner over a yellow one, and through the milky beams of light the particles of dust could be seen. Slowly floating along like nothing was wrong with the world. Life was still going. It was almost... peaceful.

 

Until you hear light scuffling and turn with your gun raised, only to see Callie coming in as well. She pushes it away from her and giggles, reaching to the door. You're both silent for a few minutes, listening to inaudible words and soft whispers. There's a few outbursts where one will yelp out something which makes you frown. Why would someone yell so loudly on purpose? Then everything's quiet again.

 

Your head turns yet again and this time two are climbing in. Jack gives a nod while Caliborn pulls his sister back by the shoulder.  **"We go in on my say."** He grumbles, giving you a long look before he's kicked open the door and the four of you are now filing into the main room. Caliborn looks left and right but... It's empty. Furniture is next and in front of the front door but no one behind it. There's one shot and a scream from one of your colleagues and your blood goes ice cold.

 

Everything's white noise now. Ringing in your ears and your heart pounding. There's pain in your temple and two more shots ring out. Looking back, you see the twins shuffling behind a couch. Caliborn is holding onto his leg, dark red sreading through his pants. His mask, now splattered in blood is not too far from him.

 

You immediately head for the door, only to have a fourth bullet miss your jaw by mere centimeters. Stumbling back in surpise you catch the glimpse of somone at the window in the Main room running off, a second following coe behind, running in a rather awkward way. Jack is still in the Hall, eye's darting from the window to the door, wondering where he should go first probably. But he only has a sword... what good can he do?

 

The door is now pushed open and two women are stading in front of you. Shit, you're still on the ground! You swallow hard when metal presses to your forehead, and sounds are becoming clearer now. There's fleshies outside. A lot of them. 

 

 **"C'mon Aradia, they can't do nothing anymore. We've got all the attention we need. Let's hit it ad get goin' girl!"** The one pointing the weapon to you withdraws and both of them run off where the other two had gone. Four... 

 

Four was the magic number.

 

 **"Get up kid we've gotta get movin'!"** You're pushed up to your feet and already the twins are outside. Calliope was now just in her dress shirt, the sleeve from her vest which was now probably in the house still, was wrapped tightly at his knee.

 

Jack shoved you forward and you barely knew which direction to go. There was souting, firing and yelling. Everything was like a dreamworld and you had no clue what to do. Then you hit the floor, your back up against a tree alongside Caliborn. There's screaming in front of you. Jack screams something you can't quite catch and leaves the two of you there. Your... 'friend' looks pale, and holds onto your hand tightly. He had his mask back on, half stained with red. There's death in his eye's and you know he's angry. He wats to kill. He wants this to end.

 

The amount of stress and your ticks going wild you end up blacking out. You had just seen the blurred out vision of Noir returning, a trail of bodies behind him.

 

 

We you'd woken up, it was nighttime. You were... restrained? What the ever-loving fuck...?  **"Good! You're awake kid."** A hand is on your cheek and you wince away. That voice sounded dangerous... it was had the impact of a chill and sent shivers through your boy. When you opened your eye's more, no longer squinting, Jack's face was inches from yours. A cigar in his mouth, and a knife in had.

 

 **"Caliborn woke up a while ago. We talked. He went back to sleep. You know... he lost his sister today. Tragic, huh?"** Calliope was dead... she was... dead. No no. How? They were making it to the woods, they'd been safe. Only a few blocks away from home... how had she died? Wouldn't that also ruin their plans to take out the hospital...? Oh.

 

He sees the look of realization on your face, and a throaty chuckle blows cigar smoke in your face.  **"Nothin' personal. But if you mess this up we're not gonna spare ya. Now, hold still while I tell you what's gonna go down."** He flips the blade in his palm and holds it to the side of your leg, twirling the edge around a few time's. The only thing keeping it from even giving you the slightest scrape was your jeans.  **"I've gotta rough you up a bit. Give you some cool scars to show some dames, ya know?"**

 

He's now putting more pressure into it, making you bite down on your lip and look away from him. Where are your glassess... Where the fuck are they. You can barely see a thing!  **Then, we bring you to the hospital. You're gonna stumble around. Act all hopeless. When they come for ya, tell'em what I did to you."** There's a sharp, agonizing pain in your leg now and he drags it down to your ankle. You cry out, which in response gives you a slap to the cheek. 

 

 **"Don't make a scene. I don't _want_ to do this. Really! But... It's just business. Anyways, give'em enough detail to make them pity you. Say you escaped and that we don't know where you are." **You're punched to the gut a few time's, and you feel like vomiting. You've never been beaten like this before. The worst you had were a couple of punches but at least then you had the ability to fight back.

 

A quick slash and you see white for a few seconds as hot pain licks over your forehead and red is going down your face. You feel like passing out again. You really hope you do soon.

 

 **"C'mon, we're not even halfway through yet. I haven't even gotten to the end!"** He takes another minute to add in a split lip, black eye, and probably one or two bruises to your jaw and shoulders. It's torturous. Literally, torturing you until he deems you're well injured enough to go.

 

**"You'll gain there trust. Got it? We'll give you two week to recover and meet us in the back by the woods. You spill everything to us. Personal lives, backstories, information on the bulding. Anythin'. We're plannin' on having a bit of fun with them a bit beforehand. We'll continue to rendezvous for a bit until we see ready. We'll probably give you three day's notice. We just want to make sure they'll be completely unexpected from any attack. Especially on the inside."**

 

You're pretty sure a rib is either cracked or something when he punches your chest. You cough up some blood onto his shoes and he sighs, taking a dirty rug and cleaning it off. His voice sounds half-heartedly sympathetic.  **"I know kid. But it's for our own good. We don't have the girl anymore, but we've got you still. Think of it as... being our last hope."** There's a bit of a pause before another slash at your upper arm is given. He tears at your clothes a bit. Rips your scarf in half, uses the knife to cut multiple holes into your shirt as well as cutting your skin.  And you're then released. 

 

Immediately you collapse to the cold floor, only to be picked up like a ragdoll and carried. 

 

 **"Don't fuck this up."** A weak voice rasps behind you, sounding much farther away. You can't reply though, your body too numb to even react on anything. Soon you're stuffed in a pickup. The same one Noir had been trying to fix for weeks. Guess it works now.

 

In only a few minutes you're pushed out and you stumble to your feet.  **"Don't get yourself killed. I'll watch from here."** He grumbles as you continue on. You know if you do one wrong thing they'll make sure to kill you later. Just being two men, you've seen and heard what they're capable of.

 

Before this had all happened the twins were quite the famous pair around state. Calliope worked a really successful fashion line; your mother often bought from her whe she was still around. Caliborn was a well-known guy just throughout the family line. He had so much trust in higher officials, he could get anything done with his sneakcretive ways.

 

He was still like that now. He knew how to get just what he wanted.

 

There's shouting from somewere up above that gives you a weak headache. A door slams shut repeatedly and you heaf footsteps. You realize Jack had put your glasses back on, and the left lense was shattered through. There's multiple sets of hads on you and you're being helped into somewhere you assume is the hospital.

 

You'll be okay. They tell you over and over again as they continue to help you along. It's dark, but the headache is only getting worse. Your face is all swollen and whether you had your glasses or not, you can't see shit with the state you're in.

 

A woman is lying you down on a cold, stiff bed. She asks for your name, and you reply weakly.  **"E...dan."** You can barely soeak. You really hope she got that down. Did you even pronounce every letter righy? Shit...

 

**"Dan? Okay Danny- we're gonna get you all better in no time."**

 

Danny? Close enough. You'll correct her later. Right now, you need to sort everything out and figure what the fuck you're going to do with yourself before worrying about petty things like that. The lights are brighy in the room, and you don't know if it's that that puts you to sleep, or the fact that the shit was beaten out of you.

 

Either way. You're going to be okay.


	9. Where are they now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a filler chapter to explain where our friends are right now. Some Arasol feels in the end
> 
> FYI- they won't show up again for a while. I've got plans for them :)

_Everything will be okay. Everything will be okay. Everything will be okay. Everything will be okay._

 

Your thoughts repeated this to you over and over again, hoping that maybe it would actually make matters better and give your group an actual positive end to this. You were okay with dying- but you certainly hoped it wouldn't happen now. Maybe when you were all safe? Yeah, you could die from a heart attack or something then.

 

 **"Aradia... can you get me thome water pleathe?"** He said please, but even if he hadn't you would have given him the bottle.

 

After that little rampage the small, very irresponsible man with a bigger gun then her right arm, Sollux had gotten hit with two bullets when he pulled you under the window. They were out now, and you ripped off half the curtain to tie around his arm before being able to propery treat it and remove them while Latula set up the house to get ready and run if they decided to chase you.

 

That's exactly what happened, except there were two more than expected. You had only seen ready when pointing your pistol but... Latula had calmed you. So you ran. Out into the forest you had exlored around many time's and even camped in. Right now the other two in your group were trekking up further to the west to see if anything was even salvageable to take refuge in even for a single night. 

 

You held the bottle to his lips and he took a few sips before wincing, looking at you.  **"AA. We're better off dead right now aren't we?"** His voice was thick with exhaustion and he had to pause after every few words. Had he really given up? He couldn't have... there was still an opportunity to live through it all!

 

You took the bottle away from him, making him hiss under his breath.  **"Don't talk like that. We'll be fine, Sollux. I think your brother is even starting to become an actual help with this. He's been cooperating so far. He even took the first aid kit before leaving. He's smarter than you may think he is, you know."** Your response is a low groan and he pushes his head against the tire of a rusted car you're next to. 

 

You're safe. Until either they follow you again or the infected find you again. But there's no time to think about that. You sit next to Sollux, giving him back the water bottle and collecting your thoughts as he takes it with his good arm. The wound wasn't as bad as you thought. The bullets were completely intact and were easy to remove with tweezers. The healing time was unknown, but as long as it remained clean and free from infection, you had estimated to about a month until fully healed.

 

Latula and Mituna returned, holding hands and looking at each other with weak smiles. Now they had their actual wake-up call with the world... at least they were taking it well. When they got closer you reached for the origami figure in your coat pocket and felt the smooth red paper before preparing yourself for what they would say.

 

**"Tuna came across a van that still works. Checked the gas and there's just enough in the tank to get out of the city. I found a few empty places too though, and they're near other buildings and stores we can probably take from."**

 

You noticed her grip tighten around the older Captors hand, and you nodded. Sollux got up slowly, giving his older sibling the rest of what was left in the bottle before turning to you.

 

**_"We're better off dead right now, aren't we?"_  **

 

No. You could not, and would not let his doomsday talk get to you. He had a life-threatening experience, it's common! As much as death thrilled you, when it cake to those you'd grown so close too, it wasn't a very fond thought.  **"Right. Well, let's check around the empty houses first. I think the van should be something like a last resort sort of thing? Like if we need another quick getaway if they come for us again."** You placed your hands on your hips and gave a confirming nod.

 

Before packing the few item's you had left with, you fixed the makeshift sling on Sollux's shoulder and let the couple lead. They whispered to one another and shared reassuring kisses, making your heart warm up a little. Not all was lost. Life still had these kind of great things and if the world really was destined to lead to failure and the extinction of all humans- so be it. But you weren't planning on dying just yet that was for sure. 

 

You sort of had a few moments like that with the boy next to you. Not any of the kissy, smoochy stuff. But you know the couch at your original home held many nights where platonic cuddles happened and you two would just have a feelings jam for hours until you both fell asleep like that. 

 

You hadn't noticed till now, but you were holding hands with him. You glanced down and looked back to him. He wasn't looking at you, but it didn't matter. You smiled and gave his hand a reassuring squeeze before proceeding to walk up a small hill. The air was crisp with cold and your breath could be slightly seen in misty clouds. The crunching of leaves had been tuned out from your mind when you stared at the scenery around you. This forest was no maze. The amount of nights from camping, days of exploring and hours of animal watching had placed a special part of your heart for it. 

 

It looked even more dreary than usual. Moss grew thicker against tree bark and the ground. Dying, drooping plants were all that were left. Almost no color except green and brown. Dead flowers littered small patches of grass, shriveled up with grey petals curling into themselves. The tree's towered above you. In a more ominous way with the graying sky hovering above. Dark clouds started rolling in and you noticed Latula and Tuna had started moving a bit faster.

 

The edge of the treeline led to another neighborhood. This one you don't remember at all, but it didn't really matter. You saw the van in front of a faded blue house, and Mituna proudly stood in front of it. You gave him a smile as Latula dragged him to the house next door. It was chipping red paint and a window was broken, but boards up wood were nailed up to replace it. The door took a harsh push and nudge of her shoulder which concerned you a little. Would it be that difficult to get in every time?

 

Now was not the  time to dwell on that. Right now... You just had to rest. Everyone needed to.

 

**"I'm hungry."**

 

 **"Me too babe. I think there might be some crackers in my bag. Hold up a sec."** You let go of Sollux and didn't even reach to a chair. You just slid down against the door and put your head between your knees, closing your eye's. You were exhausted, and felt like sleeping for a year. Maybe in a year this would all just be over. The secret government people would have a cure and they'd be sending out antidotes for everyone to keep living. Their numbers would decrease and humity could start again.

 

But you couldn't sleep for a year. And even if this were possible to conquer a year would be too long to try and keep everyone alive. Not with how much could go wrong...

 

A tap on your shoulder makes your head go up, and Mituna is offering you a few crackers. You giggle and give him a kiss on the forehead and take them. Bad move; he winks at you and licks his lips. You forgot he wasn't a complete imbecile. Just an imbecile who was completely perverted too.

 

 **"Mituna knock it off."** Sollux sounded from somewhere across the room, irritated. You looked down at the ground and slowly ate them, making your meal last for as long as possible. At least no one would be going to sleep hungry. Latula folded up the sleeve of crackers and put them back into the bag, and placed it on the coffee table.

 

 **"You checked the whole place, right? There's no monsters?"** You were now getting up, brushing the crumbs onto your jeans and approaching Latula. She nodded and gave a thumbs up. 

 

 **"Yeah I did! There's only two bedrooms though..."** She looked between you and Sollux for a few seconds before turning to Mituna and brushing some hair from his eye's. From what little view you catch on the outside, it's practically night already. And sleep seemed like a very nice thing to do right now.

 

 **"You can take the bed AA."** Sollux catches your attention again, but you decline his offer. He had a bad arm that needed rest! The last thing he needed was a lumpy couch that could make it go stiff or get worse. 

 

The other two are already at the end of the hall, Mituna practically half naked as he just drops his clothes on the floor and disappears behind the door. You and the other are now just looking at each other, going back and forth with who needs the bed. Until an idea just so happens to come across your mind. It was no different from the nights passing out in the living room, right?

 

Leading him to the bedroom that was left, you fluff up the pillows and help him lay down, making sure no weight goes onto his injured arm. You climb in next to him, leaning on your left arm with a raised brow.  **"Better mister Captor? Now we have a solution."** His face is bright red, and you can only imagine the average boy-like thoughts going on in his head. You giggle, your head easing into the pillow with a loud yawn. You were really tired.

 

To make it less awkward for him, your back is facing him now. You curl up into your coat and feel for the red paper turtle again for some comfort. Turtles were Damara's favorite animal. After a college event to visit Japan when you were still in Middle School, you remember her taking down all her posters of Hollister models and such, replacing them with everything she had bought from there.

 

She had a large, beautiful canopy over her bed and lovely beaded curtains. Hand crafted rugs covered the floor and bright beautiful colors were everywhere. The posters from before were replaced with animes and her shelves were filled with all different mangas and DVD's of multiple seasons from animes she had found interest in.

 

Then there were all those origami turtles she made. She had taught you to make one when you came home from school one day. It was... relaxing. The silence between you two was comforting and nothing but folding corners of paper and tugging at other parts had placed a Zen atmosphere that left a peaceful impact on you for days.

 

Those days were over now. Just like everything else. Before you had hope that possibly, maybe she was okay. You would find her. But there was not even a trace of her at home...

 

 **"Sollux, are you still awake?"** You're answered with a grunt and he brings his good arm around you. You're pulled in closer to him and start to blush when he nuzzles into your shoulder. He's on his way to sleep, if it weren't obvious enough. Despite the few seconds of awkwardness, you find comfort in his touch, and finally drift into sleep before morning is ready to wake you up again.


	10. Love is cancerous

Kankri was hogging the blanket again, as usual. Even with that thick sweater of his he still manages to get cold and steals the blanket while you're still asleep. You're pretty sure he knows it too, but you decide to give him the benefit of the doubt. Also because you are just nice enough not to bring it up.

 

He looks so peaceful when he's sleeping though. His blank skin is like an unpainted canvas and would blend with the white sheets if he were a few shades lighter. He and his little brother were crazy pale, something called being albino. It triggered Kankri whenever someone brought it up but Karkat could never really give more than a fuck. If any at all.

 

You lift one half of the blanket and snuggle in there with him, hearing him sigh contentedly. It made you smile and as you brought an arm over his side, the events of last night were resurfaced to your memory. Shit.

 

Your precious little half brother showed up, battered up real good too. You never thought he'd be one to endure through that kind of beating, but before you'd fallen asleep the babe of a doctor said he'd been stable. At first you thought it wasn't really him. How much bad luck would someone have?

 

Apparently you had a fuckton of bad luck. Kankri noticed him right away and when Karkat came rushing down the stairs from his post in lookout, everyone was either confused or worried. Not everyone exactly knew of your family. Just the bland details that you were in a mafia family and had detached yourself from it, causing everyone in your bloodline to sort of shun you.

 

Kankri was also the only one that had met Eridan. It was when you had first left the family to be on your own. Put your mistakes and such in the past. You were house-jumping for a while until Damara let you stay for a few night's until you were kicked to the next place. Kankri had agreed to bring you clothes shopping- the doll was a true saint, seriously. Walking through the mall you two had passed Eridan walking out of Hollister. He glared daggers toward you and gave you the cold shoulder.

 

You'd be lying if you said it didn't effect you. But you had never voiced or expressed your hurt- though Kanny on the other hand. He was a total different story. You had to hold him back by the collar of his red jacket to stop him from storming after your shitty half sibling and listing about a thousand triggers and start lecturing. It just hadn't been worth it.

 

Then after that, you two had grown steadily closer. At first you thought it would start out as one of those normal one-sided relationships that you usually went in and out of. But it was only until a few weeks ago that he had surprised you with reciprocating the feelings. It was... nice.

 

But there were so many mistakes you had made. Why does he think you still deserve him? Why are you even thinking about this? He loves you. You say it to each other every morning. Every night. Before every outing to scavenge and after every life-threatening situation. You love him. Your decisions before don't matter now and it's time to face that. But... how? Right now you're tangled up in sheets with his back pressing into your chest and your hand still gripping onto his sweater like it was a lifeline of some sorts. If you wanted to get all emotional and metaphorical, it just could be your last thread to survival. You could even say that without the touch and feel of his skin or clothes, you wouldn't be here. But then there's the looks you see him give to his past love. No. His _first_ love. How the Hell will you compete with that?

 

Now this doll. This babe was some serious action. You didn't know much about her, other than the fact that really creepy quiet guy who's younger brother was a pothead, had found her. She had slept off the first two day's and the whole time Kankri was at her side with the other guy, waiting for her to wake up. At first you thought maybe he was just concerned like everyone else. So when you had asked it was a definite surprise when hearing his answer.

 

She was the last person he'd dated. As well as the first. It took  _so much effort_ to retain further questions. It would just lead to getting out of hand and a fight most likely. So instead of protesting against him being around her, you swallowed your pride and let it roll out on it's own.  But he had assured you they were just friends. You believed him. Trusted him...

 

You snuggled into the back of his neck and layed out kisses along his shoulders, pulling the collar of his sweater down a little. You got a small reaction from him. It sounded like purring a little... You chuckled and combed your fingers through his hair and yawned.  **"Kanny. You up doll? We've got a free day today."** Today marked the official one month you two had been together. Hell yes you were doing something special about it.

 

He opened his eyes to a squint and turned his head to look at you. His lips pulled into a smile, which you kissed and heard another purring noise come from him. His fingers curled into your bedhead hair while he kissed you back. 

 

This lip smacking and hair tugging went on for a little while longer before separating yourselves from each other. Kankri still had his... vow. That's right ladies and gentlemen, you have yet to get that choice ass. But that was okay. You respected his decisions and he even said that maybe when the time was right he'd lift his promise of abstinence and do the do. But until then cuddles and makeouts were cool too.

 

Getting into your clothes, you watched Kankri pull off his sweater and look to you. His pale cheeks were almost as red as his eye's.  **"Can I have your jacket? This needs to go to the laundry room in the basement."** You answered with a shrug when pulling on your jeans. 

 

You took his hand and kissed the top of his head, opening the door and stepping out into the hallway. You were the only one's that occupied this floor. Kankri had chosen it for when he would read- and because peace and quiet was kind of his thing. 

 

Without a word spoken you walked down the stairs; being all cute and romantic. His sweater was folded over his arm and the varsity jacket was two sizes too big and really brought out just how light his skin was. 

 

He stopped at the base of the stairs and handed you the article of clothing.  **"I forgot, I need to go check up on Meulin."** His eye's were wide as if he'd made the biggest regret of his life or something. The mention of her made your heart sink, and as he turned away you grabbed his wrist and pulled him into a tight hug, sighing.  **"Cronus, please stop! This is very... triggering!"**

 

You let him go and frowned. Why was she such a big deal to him? She was just some girl and you're pretty sure she wouldn't give him this much attention if it were the other way around.  **"I just wanna spend the whole day together Kanny. Can't you go visit her later...?"** Your grip tightened on the fuzzy red shirt when he gave you a disappointed stare. Oh Hell no. This wasn't going down, was it? Was he seriously choosing her over you?

 

**"It will be real quick, I promise you. She's only two stories up, and I'm only making sure she's okay."**

 

 _She's already got two guy's looking after her!_ You wanted to scream this at him. Really! She had that engineer with her whenever the silent guy wasn't. And when neither of them were there, Kankri was. What's up with that?! The cat had more game than you do, and look at yourself! Handsome, great personality, sincere. All the qualities that you believed she lacked.

 

Without giving him a reply you walked away. Continuing down into the basement where the rows of machines were. He placed the sweater in the wash and tossed in the detergent and tiny little packet, slamming his palm on the button and shutting the door. He leaned back against it, exhaling loudly and putting your face in your hand. She was just ruining everything. What if he goes back to her? You finally have someone that you think will last and now... It's deteriorating right before you.

 

Pushing up from the washer, you left the basement are started your way back up. With so much walking around and going back and forth lately, you're sure you've lost weight. Also some nice noticeable muscle tone to your legs and biceps. 

 

You decided to wander a bit. There really was no use in today's plans anymore. That bitch would probably keep coming into conversation and you'd have to put on a fake smile and pretend to care. You'd barely just woken up and already you were exhausted.

 

Walking in through one hallway, you passed the room Eridan was being held in. The Doctor was at his side with a clipboard in hand, studying him.

 

You poked your head inside, giving a whistle that made her jump. You hid a smirk and took out a cigarette, putting it to your lips.  **"How's he?"** He was asleep and you saw sets of stitches on his forehead, legs and arms. Shit... You never remembered him going through anything so bad. Most of the time it was just the usual rough-ups from your shared father but... this. He was a lot stronger than you'd thought.

 

 **"Danny? Oh, uh- yes. Right. Um.. he's good. Well I mean to say; he's doing alright. He's uh..."** Her stammering was cute. But eventually you tuned her out because truth be told, you didn't exactly care that much for your brother's well-being. But- wait. Did she just fucking call him Danny?

 

You held in a laugh, and bit down on your tongue. That was the first nickname you had tried with him. You still had the scars on the back of your shoulder where he stabbed you with that pen out of anger. How did she even come up with that? 

 

 **"Was he awake at all?"** You had interrupted her saying something about his condition- oh well.

 

It took her a few moments to regain posture before replying.  **"When he first came in. I asked what his name was and I think he said Dan... But after that he's yet to wake up. Probably not until this afternoon, either. He's got quite a few injuries and... some that weren't even from that night. It looked like he got beaten up a lot before."**

 

Yeah. Your piece of shit father must've not let up on the punches. 

 

With a shrug you lean on the other side of the doorframe and yawn. She's now fumbling with the corners of the page and just... sitting there.  **"Say, Doc. Don't you do anything else here?"** You snort when she jumps to a stand, blushing bright red across her lightly tanned face. 

 

 **"Right! I have to see if Tavros' prosthetics are still working correctly. He's been putting a lot of strain on them..."** She politely excuses herself and brushes passed you. Your eye's avert to her backside and smirk before looking into your kid brother's room. You take it upon yourself to go inside and walk around, going in a circle or two, staring out the window; then going to seat yourself next to him.

 

 **"You're a little shit, man."** You smirk, shaking your head. You didn't expect an answer to your petty words, but you did. And for a second it scared the shit out of you.

 

 **"So are you..."** His voice was raspy and you could practically feel his pain and soreness in his tone. He weakly raised a hand and folded four fingers, keeping the middle one up and facing it to you.  **"You don't know-w me."**

 

His hand went down and your brain processed for a few minutes. Know him? You knew everything about the ungrateful fucktard. But then it came to a bit of realization.

 

He didn't want anyone to know you were brothers.

 

How would they not know though? Ginger hair. Freckles to die for. Dark violet eye's you had inherent from your old man. Genetic mutations or something of the like.

 

 **"Distant cousins _Danny_." ** You get up and ruffle his hair, leaving him with a content grin.

 

\---

 

 **"Did you talk to him at all today?"** You took a long look at your little brother, and sighed. It had only been yesterday when you more or less dropped the bomb on him that you were in love. Yeah.

 

You had said this before though- twice actually. There was that one girl in kindergarten that you told your dad about and how you were going to marry her one day. Then she moved away at the end of the year... after that you were like a player in elementary school. You know; those fake relationships and all? Where by the third day both of you are saying 'it's complicated'. By seventh grade you had 'fallen in love' again. She was actually with your group now, but neither paid much attention to one another.

 

Damara was practically you in a girls body. The only difference was your languages. She spoke mostly Japanese and some english. While your native tongue was Korean and secondary English. Then for the Hell of it studied Japanese on the side.

 

You had gone your separate ways when you sort of let your curiosity lead you to dating a guy behind her back and... the rest sort of falls into place from there. Though you were grown up now. That was what... ten years ago? Maybe a bit more. 

 

Horuss though. This was a love you didn't experience with the other's. Not the feelings that you had went into with every other relationship. You felt like you needed to protect him, when he was more than capable of doing so himself. You were just drawn to him and every time you heard his voice, or his name was mentioned a grin was permanently set on your face. That's exactly what was happening right now when you thought of how to reply to Tavros' question.

 

You knew what Tav meant. Did you tell him you liked him? Hell naw. It may look like you're really cool and an awesome guy to hang out with; but you didn't really have all that much confidence. Enough to get you by, but not exactly as much as the average human being. What had gone down was just a normal conversation. What was going on, a little bit on his close friend who had recently showed up.

 

Actually, now that you thought of it maybe you could use her to get even closer to him! You did teach her how to shoot, maybe she could help return a favor?

 

 **"R-Rufioh! Did you or did you not talk to Horuss?"** Oh, you got sidetracked with idea's...

 

 **"Yeah I talked to him little guy. I talk to him every day!"** You gave an even bigger smile, but your brother only gave a skeptical stare. You noticed the hair growing in at the side's of his head more and he hadn't styled his mohawk back today.  **"What? We chatted a little and then I had to go help Jade with the garden in the back. Not my fault I have duties man. Besides, flowers are dope."**

 

He rolled his eyes, punching your shoulder. It didn't hurt of course, but you made a small pout at him.  **"You need to t-tell him soon. Just get out there! Like... like how I uh, did with Gamzee."** Right. It still surprised you when Tavros came home from his shift all wishy-washy and giggly. He hadn't said a word to you, eye's glued to his phone most of the day and hadn't even shown up to dinner. 

 

It was like a perfect run in and he had made the right decision at the right time. He had that sixth sense of timing even when he didn't realize it. Something you really wished you had for this situation.

 

 **"I've gotta plan dude. Promise; L'right?"** You looked away from him and to the door of his room, where Feferi stood patiently. She seemed out of breath and her cheeks were red; running maybe?

 

 **"Hi Tavros! Here to check up on your legs."** Oh these were so fun to watch. Before everything failed and ruined Earth, you had to take Tavros to his physical therapist once a month to do checkups on his legs, and his fake one's. He got all squeamish and nervous whenever someone touched him. It was just how he was, and being the older brother, you found an odd amusement in his discomfort.

 

Feferi approached him, and Tavros hesitantly sat up on the edge of the bed. You got up and brought his prosthetics to his side, and observed while he answered questions and moved parts of his body. Every now and then you threw in information he wouldn't include, like when he jogged an extra hour in the back yesterday instead of sticking to the usual two. In the morning he would do stretches to help his strength up and you noticed he didn't do them as often. Maybe it was because of what was going on? No doctors to see. No appointments or hospital visits.

 

When everything was done she left on her little merry way, and the two of you continued speaking out your plans on when to tell Horuss and how. It was like planning out some secret attack. So much preparation and... you just wished that you wouldn't chicken out on it when the time came.

 

 **"Where is Gamzee anyways?"** You figured he would have shown up by now. He was always at your brothers side and if not, with the other Makara. 

 

You were answered with a shrug and brushed it off. Better not to dwell on it; he was just your brother's longtime boyfriend who you had trusted not to fuck anything up. And he hadn't for the most part.

 

 **"What do you have planned today?"** Nothing. Nobody had anything planned today. There'd had been soke suspicion going on after that guy, practically half dead showed up. At first everyone thought he was bit and scratched. Took him in to be sure and if so, you had been the first to volunteer and take him out. Only because no one else did for a solid minute when the question was brought up.

 

Such suspicions though were that thre was a much larger group out there, probably twice as strong as all of your friends put together. It had been agreed that no one would go out and lay low for a while. Aside from that, there was more than enough supplies in the hospital. A lot more than needed, actually so it was good to just relax now. Though you remember Karkat staying up through the whole night on lookout even after that. You wondered if he was still up there...

 

 **"So... what do you want to do?"** You yawned, stretching your arms out in front of you. You combed your fingers over your spiked, red tinted hair once before leaning back. 

 

 **"Sleep. Haven't gotten much lately. What about you?"** You gave him a wink, knowing he probably didn't get much sleep either, but not for the same reasons as you. These beliefs were confirmed as he looked away and blushed, muttering a 'shut up' to you and scooting back next to you. 

 

Both of you just stared up at the ceiling for a while. Your arms folded behind her head and him scratching at his palms or wrists. As expected, he fell asleep really quick. He didn't have thoughts of anxiety attacking him every hour of the day though. That's what kept you up. Your mind would assault itself with ways that everything could go wrong or crumble beneath you. 

 

You left his room, careful not to wake Tavros. Might as well make your way into the main lobby and see what everyone else was up to. Who knows, maybe you could catch that girl Meulin and maybe befriend her. That would surely attract Horuss more, right?

 

Right. Seemed correct in your set of thought.

 

When you slipped in through the double doors, the place was practically empty. In one corner Jade and Becquerel sat with Dave. Rose was talking with Roxy in the center and John, Vriska, and Jane were playing a card game. You sighed, shoulders sagging before there was a tap at your shoulder.

 

 **"You're up! Heh, I was wandering if you wanted to help me fix up the heater in Jake and Dirks room?"** Holy shit you could fangirl right now like whenever you saw Grell and Sebastian interact in the Black Butler manga.

 

Turning as casually as you could with a smirk, you gave a swift nod of your head.  **"Sure thing man. I'd love to help out."** Ha, take that Tavros. You were going on an unofficial date already.


	11. Some things are better left unsaid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This contains a lot of flashbacks uwu and takes place the night Eridan first appeared, and transitions to the next day

You looked at yourself in the mirror for a long time now. Going back and forth between putting your hair up in a ponytail or leaving it down. Putting on your beanie for each different style you tried. But now you just stared, wondering why you were even giving this so much attention. Why were you even going? Had you actually said yes or... 

 

You can't remember. The moment was very blurry and you could only remember bits and pieces. Especially those winks and smirks Porrim through your way when the twins left.

 

 **_"What are these checkups for? I'm pretty sure someone would know if they were bitten or not."_ ** _Feferi only answered with a bright smile, and continued looking you over. As expected- no bites or scratches. You haven't even gone outside the property yet!_

 

 **_"Relax Meulin. Feferi keeps her head straight by doing these. She'll snap, otherwise."_ ** _Porrim breath is hot against the side of your head as she whispers to you while the doctor write down in her paper. Oh. You'd never thought of that..._

 

 **_"Like a therapeutic...?"_ ** _You turn your head to watch her nod. Biting your lower lip, your eyes focus on the ground while you put your clothes back on and meet back out with Horuss. He pats the spot next to him where you sat before. He's so sweet! Nothings really changed much between either of you. Since Middle School you had been close friend's and he helped you through everything. Didn't judge you like some other's when he found out about your addiction. Instead, you had to convince him that beating the shit out of your idiot now-ex wasn't worth it._

 

_You love him. In a brother-sister kind of way._

 

The knock at your door and a low 'Hello?' brings you back. You look at yourself again one last time. Hair already dry from your shower, a white t-shirt and skinny jeans. You couldn't find a jacket that fit you in the bins downstairs where everyone sort of took what they could get when needing something to where (Although some who's houses were near were able to run out and get their own things).

 

You went with leaving your hair down over your shoulders and walked out, giving a hesitant wave.  **"Hi..."** He's not that dressed up. But he's wearing different clothes from before that make him look much more... You couldn't think of the word. Not classy or anything. But not like some punk rock guy either. Normal, you guess.

 

You look at the pendant on the chain around his neck and bite the inside of your cheek. When you found out your mother, of all people had helped him come clean a year after she aided you.... it was frustrating to hear. You weren't mad. It just felt like a bit of betrayal- her not saying anything. But then again if she had... You would've been rampaging mad most likely.

 

 **"You're all set to go or did I come in too early?"** He's tugging at his sleeves while he talks. That's what you usually do when your anxiety starts creeping in... Huh.

 

 **"No, I'm ready. You're fine."** You manage a weak smile and he motions you forward, starting to walk away. To be honest you had no clue where you were going. You had assumed maybe outside in the Park or something but when you headed down to the staircase, you followed him up. 

 

 **"What's upstairs?"** You skip every other step so you can keep up with him, and at every platform you take a few seconds pause and start again. By the third platform you realize he hadn't answered you. Either he ignored the question, or didn't hear... No. He had to have heard you, there wasn't much noise to block out your own voice.

 

A frown tugs at your lips and when he finally stops you almost hit into him.  **"Careful through here. I don't know if it's been cleared out or not."** You sigh, rolling your eyes. Yes, catch up and attempt to apologize while the danger of possibly getting eaten alive is present. Good thinking.

 

You could leave at any time though. Why weren't you? Just turn around, call it off. He couldn't make you stay! But yet, your legs weren't moving. Your negativity was being manipulated by the past emotions you had gone through before. You wished Horuss was here... 

 

You came to a ladder and he gave the cliche; 'Ladies first' and smirked. The look you gave him was blank and as you climbed up, you were very glad you hadn't chosen that denim skirt on the top of the pile. 

 

When you got to the top and climbed out, you saw nothing but the tops of buildings and the Sun just starting to set. The colors were a washed out shade of yellow and some pastel oranges. Nepeta would have loved to draw this out. 

 

Kurloz was next to you, looking out for a few moments before turning to you.  **"You ready to talk?"** Right. You came here to basically explain where you had been the past three year's. 

 

 **"You mean you never asked my mom what was going on? You two seemed like such close buddies from what you've told me."** Your voice is bitter, and you sort of regret saying it. You walk over a few feet away from the ladder and sit down on the rough gravel. On the opposite side you see Karkat on lookout. He doesn't notice either of you, and he's far enough where he can't hear though. He wouldn't be a problem.

 

Kurloz sits down next to you and holds the pendant in one hand, clearing his throat.  **"I thought looking for help would have been a good thing. I thought you'd be happy I motherfucking went clean."** He leans back into the cement wall and looks down ahead.  **"Your mom wanted to help since day one. You know how many calls I'd get? She called at least twice a week and would say it was her 'Christian duty' to help me. She's sure damn motivated..."**

 

**"She was even the one who brought you up first. She didn't want you mad, she just wanted to help me. The... the day she died... That was my two year mark. I was gonna get a new motherfucking kickass pendant. Shit was hella good and I've never felt so proud of myself. Before it was like living in someone else's skin and you hated what was controlling you. And now..."**

 

His voice trailed off and he muttered something under his breath. He continued playing with the chain and charm. Fuuuck. How come you felt terrible? Couldn't your conscience just let you be angry at him for a while longer? Within the span of two weeks you had gone from hating his entire being to only hating the past. His past. Yours. The little angel on your shoulder was screaming for you to forgive what he had done. Everything. But why? Forgiveness wouldn't change anything, would it?

 

It wouldn't bring your mother back. It wouldn't bring Nepeta back. Your father was long gone even before all of this, passing on from a brain tumor when you were only twelve. It would do nothing for you, and assumed the same for him. He still had what he needed. His twin brother was still alive. He had family still here and seemed just fine. Perfectly okay with himself.

 

 **_"Did she...?"_ ** _You slowly nod your head, eye's red and wet with tears already staining streaks down your cheeks. You hug her tightly in your arms as she cries into your shoulder. You stayed like that for a while. Pressed up against the door and just crying._

 

 **_"I'm sorry you couldn't come with me... I just didn't want you to see her like that..."_ ** _You had never seen a crime scene in real life. But what you saw on TV was nothing like this. The caution tape wasn't even there and men in big yellow suits were carrying her. They asked your name and address, and said they would find out who did it as soon as possible. But there were still so many questions you had..._

 

 **"There were guy's in those big suits. Like astronauts but... yellow..."** He gave you a weird look, clearly confused.  **"When Mom died. I went over to see her and there were these guys in huge yellow astronaut suits."** You drew it out in the gravel, and he gave a short laugh.

 

 **"Hazmat suits. Not surprising."** You patted the dust from the gravel off your hands and shifted a little.  **"So what exactly has been going on? Since day one."** He gives you that look. The same kind of gaze that you used to make you believed he was everything. Everything you needed. Ever wanted. How the same kind of stare gave you chills and believed to be safe. It didn't have much of an effect anymore except nostalgia.

 

 **"Day one... Well it took a lot of hard work. I was depressed for a while and the only thing that kept me grounded was Nepeta. Mom helped a lot too though but... she suggested I move out so I did. Helped pay the first few months and when I got a job she would help with half and I'd pay the other..."** It brought of soft smile to your face. Genuine, not forced; remembering happy thoughts as you stared at your sneakers. Your knees were pressed up against your chest and you folded your arms over them.

 

**"Nepeta lived with me too. I was closer to her college than where mom lived, but I think she went with me because she knew I wouldn't survive even two days without her. Then I just slowly forgot about every. I wasn't depressed anymore and everything was great..."**

 

When you looked up at him, his stare hadn't broken. Those deep, stormy purple eye's still remained on you. He gave a slow nod of his head, and you hadn't even realized his arm was around you. Over your shoulders, of course. This was the first time he even touched you. Aside from the day he had brought you here. 

 

You let him, though. It was nothing bad, just... probably a gesture of comfort. Like a safety blanket or something. You catch yourself shuffling a bit closer and look away again.  **"So... what about you? You're only two year's. What happened in the first?"** You only assumed he continued with drugs. The two of you and his brother would smoke together a lot. And when you weren't smoking you were injecting something. When you weren't shooting, it was being breathed into your nose. The more intense things were usually just you and him though.

 

 **"Um... Well like I said your mom called me a lot. But I didn't really know what to... do. Whenever I smoked anything I felt a fuckton a' guilt afterwards but the wicked high's made me forget about every motherfucking thing. Gamzee and I fought a lot more. Then after that it's really... not something I'd like to explain."** He paused, frowning before continuing again.  **"Gam called up your mom and then I started going through recovery."**

 

 **"Oh.... Oh."** How do you react to that? 

 

The Sun was now in full set. Just half of it visible and the bright colors now turned into dark hues of purple and fuchsia. You could imagine being up here with your kitten, watching her set up her watercolor sets and stand up the eisel you bought her on her sixteenth birthday. The soft strokes of her brush and watch the colors appear on the page with ease. Her art was phenomenal. 

 

You miss it.

 

 **"Are you... still mad?"** You lifted your head and looked at Kurloz, before pushing his arm away and standing up. 

 

**"Yes I'm still mad! You ruined a good five years of my life! Do you know how long it took for me to realize how much I had to let go just so I could get drugged up for a whole day and not show up at my house for weeks, making my mother worried sick for me? Why do you think she became a counselor?! Because your fucked up head thought it'd be just fine if we shot up on heroine, and glass, and smoke pot until we felt numb I couldn't tell the difference between reality and hallucinations."**

 

**"I tore up my little sister because of you. While we were on your couch with cocaine on the table she was in her room crying because I had missed yet another one of her art shows and didn't get to see her win first place. I can't just forgive you for that. You took so much out of me. And I let you. I let you make me believe everything would be just fine if I never told anyone! 'Just take another hit, I'll call your house and tell'em we're going camping over the weekend'. 'Don't worry, you're nineteen now just text her you'll be at my place for the night'. I lied. So many fucking time's because of you!"**

 

He wasn't even looking at you now. He was staring at the ground, tugging at his sleeves again. You couldn't tell if he was crying since your own vision was blurred with tears.

 

**"Did you know Nepeta developed an eating disorder? Because everyone would make fun of her since their own older siblings would see me high every other day. She had to go to the hospital four time's, and I never knew because we were too busy passed out in your bed half the time."**

 

**"So my answer is yes. Hell. Fucking. Yes I'm still mad at you. I didn't want to be saved. I didn't want to ruin myself. I... I just want to be  home!"**

 

You turn on your heel and begin to walk away, wiping the tears from your face with the back of your hand and choking back a few sobs. You glance up where you had seen Karkat, and he's staring at you. Oh. Oh fuck- Gamzee was there too. Neither looked angry but... more so shocked. Had they heard everything? Or just your yelling? You hoped you hadn't attracted any danger with your shouting...

 

You push that all away though and hurry back down the ladder. You rush down the stairs and hurry back into your room and slam the door shut. Leaning up against it, you kick off your shoes and try to follow what your mother used to instruct.

 

 **_"Deep breaths, Meu. You've got it. Breath in, count to ten. Then breathe out snd count backwards."_ ** _Her voice is nice to hear. Soft and smooth and the blankets you're wrapped in. You had almost relapsed again and had taken it out on a few mirrors in the hall. Your knuckles were bandaged up and when you opened your eyes, Nepeta was shyly holding up her newest drawing to you._

 

 **_"It's a... Rottweiler. You drew the neighbors dog again?"_ ** _It was nice to be distracted with things like these. It made you forget most the time. You focused on the picture, and did your breathing practices._

 

 **"In... Out... One. Two. Three..."** You ran your fingers through your hair, counting up slowly.  **"Four. Five. Six. Seven."** You opened your eye's, half-hoping you would see your cousin in front of you again. Holding up that sketch proudly with her shy smile. But there was nothing. Just the last remnants of Sunlight drifting from the window.  **"Eight. Nine. Ten."**

 

You heard footsteps outside your door and froze for a solid minute when they stopped. You heard quiet voices right behind you before they continued again and the door from the Kurloz's room shut.

 

You stayed like that for a few hours, dozing off until faint knocking on your door made you stir. You shuffled to your feet, wincing at the two cracks in your bones from being in that position for so long.  **"C-Come in."** Your voice was raw and your throat felt sore. You cleared your throat, rubbing your eye's and giving a sigh of relief seeing who it was.

 

You hugged your friend tightly, and fought back a few more sobs.  **"Hi Horuss."** You're voice is muffled, which is good since now he could barely hear how close you were to bawling. 

 

His hug is a bit more awkward, but you don't mind. You're just glad to see him. When you let go he takes off his jacket and offers it to you, smiling.  **"Hello Meulin. Why the long face?"** He put a hand on your shoulder and you sit at the side of your bed, taking his jacket. You give a sharp shake of your head, sniffling and rubbing your eye's.

 

 **"Just... thing's going on. I'll tell you about it later. What did you need?"** He gives you a long look before replying.

 

 **"We're having a group discussion downstairs. Someone came in and Feferi is looking him over to make sure he isn't bit. He's in really bad condition though and we don't know exactly what it's from..."** Oh. Okay, that didn't seem so bad. You wouldn't even have to say anything during it either.

 

Putting on his jacket and zipping it up, you snuggle into the empty spaces. Of course this was too big, and that's what made it perfect. The sleeves were at least six inches passed your hands, which is awesome because now when you flail your arms you can playfully hit the  person next to you, and he wouldn't do anything because that's sort of  just how your relationship was...

 

Downstairs a big circle was set up. A few chairs were empty and you avoided any eye contact with anyone. You did catch a glance to Kankri though, who waved to you. You quickly returned the motion and sat down next to Horuss.

 

Eventually everyone assembled into place. You had shifted over so that the chairs connected, and put your head in Horuss's lap while your legs bent upward to keep your body supported. You giggled at him while he played with your hair. Through most of the meeting you didn't pay much attention at all. Either staring up at the ceiling or asking your friend a few questions about what had been talked about so far.

 

Currently, it had been decided that the guy would stay. A few disagreed, like Kankri and Cronus. Along with Dirk, Jane, Rose and Meenah. But the majority had agreed to see what would happen to him.

 

Then Porrim brought up the fact that if he was bit, who would take him out.

 

Silence.

 

You would have volunteered. Honestly you would but... the last time you had to take someone down before they turned was Nepeta...

 

_**"I'm... I'm bit... Meulin it bit me!"** Blood from her and the zombie covered her arm. She was shaking, and dropped the gun to the floor. You winced when it shot a bullet elsewhere, and the grip on your knife loosened up a bit. What were you supposed to do? You couldn't... Why her?_

 

 **_"Meu? It hurts..."_ ** _She's looking up at you. Fear and pain mixed in those pretty green eye's that could bend you to her will in seconds with just an innocent blink. She wasn't crying. But she held onto your shoulder and gave a rough shake. **"Am I going to turn? Meulin please answer me!"**_

 

_You gave her a tight hug, and push a strand of hair behind her ear. **"Nep... You know what happens..."** You bite into your bottom lip and kneel down, taking her hands into your own.  **"It'll be quick. I promise..."**_

 

 **"I'll do it."** Rufioh spoke up and Horuss caught a knot in your hair. You flinch, and he quickly apologizes before the next topic is put into place. You don't really pay any attention after that. Just sort of zoning out and edging more and more into your friend's lap. 

 

You must have fallen asleep again because when you open your eye's, Horuss is covering you up in sheets. You still have his jacket on.  **"Wait."** You reach for his wrist just as he turns. He stops and looks at you.  **"Can you sleep with me tonight? I had a bad day..."** Right, you never told him exactly about what had happened earlier that night. But he doesn't question further nor does he object. Instead he takes off his shoes and you shuffle to the other side of the bed while he comes under the covers with you.

 

He chuckles, and kisses the top of your head.  **"Goodnight Meulin."** He turns his back to you, and eventually sleep takes over again.

 

 

 

When morning comes Horuss is already gone. His side of the bed was perfectly neat and not a trace of him was left. He even fluffed up the pillow too; how sweet. It felt nice to not sleep alone this time. Especially with him- Horuss was such a good friend. You don't know what you would do without him.

 

Sitting up, you pull the covers off and stretch, wrapping yourself further into his jacket and breathing in. It smells just like him. The outside, basically but with a hint of oranges. Probably from being in the wash recently.

 

You put your shoes on and start for the basement to get new clothes. There's a note on the floor and at first you believe it's from Horuss, probably an explanation on why he left so early. But as you read it, those thoughts begin to deteriorate.

 

_If you want to go home, I'll be willing to take you there this afternoon._

 

_\- Kurloz :o)_

 

This must be another attempt of an apology... But maybe you could really go back home. Not like this place was a prison, but one- it would be rude to just leave after they took care of you. Fed you. If you kept up what you had been doing your ass would have been with the other freaks in the street.

 

Maybe just to visit. Have a bit of... closure? You just really wanted to be there again. That's where you had the last conversation with your mother. Your baby cousin. That was your recovery home. The final step to getting better.

 

You take the pen from the stand next to you and write down on the back. 

 

_Don't do anything stupid. I'll be at your door_

 

_\- Meulin ~(^. .^)_

 

You pushed the paper under his door and left, breathing in slowly and exhaling for another ten seconds. You were only going for your own self benefit. Your own and no one else's... Yeah you were still hella mad at Kurloz. But there was no way you were denying the offer to get to see your house again.

 

On your way down Kankri was coming up. Like you, he had a big jacket on too. With a soft giggle you wave to him, and he breathlessly greets you.  **"I was just on my way to see you! Is everything alright still? You seemed awfully tired the night before."** He follows you down, and you answer with a shrug of your shoulders. Right now everything's a bit... befuddled. Like you were a million piece puzzle and too many were trying to figure you out when you had no idea yourself. 

 

 **"I won't be here this afternoon and possibly a while after that."** You say as you open up the doors to the wash room. One is already going, but you move along to the bins in the front where it's separated between the boys and girls. You shuffled through them a while until picking up a pair of dark blue jeans and an olive green long sleeve. 

 

**"Where are you going to be? I thought we had all agreed no more going out for a while. You sure you're not going into any danger? A woman like you needs to be protected and cared for. They shouldn't really be out doing such dirty work especially in such an environment like this where they can be harmed and even killed. In fact, if you're going alone that's even much more of a threat and if our suspicions about a bigger group are true, they could kill or even kidnap you. What if that happens? You might as well stay here where it is safe. Just like everyone else, and it because you're still sort of new doesn't mean you can just leave us either. Not to say that you're trapped here, since I know there can be many triggers on imprisonment, small spaces, being confined, and also having such a nice place compared to a prison or trap is awfully disrespectful. But what I'm trying to say is-"**

 

You turn him by his shoulders so he isn't facing you and start to undress. You can see his pale face turn bright red and roll your eye's.  **"Shush, you can't even see anything. Unless you look- so don't."** It's not like he's never seen you with no clothes either. Well, you had your undergarments now. But there was that one time in sophomore year where you were at his house to go swimming and you got changed in the same room. It was a little embarrassing but not really bothersome. That was about a week before he ended it since he was moving away.

 

 **"You can turn around now."** You pulled on the adjustable waist and when he faced you, he gave a slow nod.  **"Look good? Or something else?"** You trusted his judgment- sometimes. On most occasions he was biased with many things.

 

But he agreed with what you wore, and now both of you were heading back out. You glanced out the window when you reached your hall again, Kankri had left to go look for Cronus. It wasn't noon yet, but just to make sure you went into your room to check the clock on your wall. Horuss ad said it was twenty minutes fast.... You still had two hour's to kill. Maybe you could actually start making some friends here before you leave? Maybe. Or you could sit around and pace, probably walk the whole building a few time's until then.

 

Actually, that sounded a lot better.


	12. Death never settles for less

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two character deaths in this one uvu  
> And I guess this is a Christmas chapter for everyone reading! :)  
> [That is if you celebrate it, if not hope you like this anyways]

You sit down on the soft, mossy ground and place a small basket next to you while Vriska shakes out the blanket. You help flatten it out and start your cute little date that your Aunt had helped prepare. With the end of the world nearing, you wanted a few more good moments with your girl. Not because everyone a ultimate demise was to be expected, but she had tolerated a lot with you. For instance- You were asexual. Yep; you felt no need to have any sort of sexual act with your girlfriend. It had taken a while to tell her... but she accepted it. And that's what really hooked you with falling in love with her.

 

You had tried though. Really! She needed that kind of attention too and sometimes you'd bear through with it just for her. Even if it did seem weird and... not very pleasant, you tried your best! The fact that she had stayed with you this long really shows how misunderstood she was by everyone else though...

 

 **"Are you gonna unpack everything or what, John?"** She stared at you with a raised brow, and impatiently took the basket from your side and opened it up. The sweet smell of Jane's baking was practically therapeutic for the both of you. Bringing back delightful memories of home and everything that had gone through before.

 

 **"Sorry, I was just thinking... what if we got married?"** The topic had sprung up on you a few days ago. You had been with Vriska a good six year's now. Marriage had come up only two time's. When Jane mentioned it, Vriska immediately shut the idea down. Explaining how just turning nineteen, that kind of commitment was way too early to even think about. But the last time it was brought up about a year ago when you had gone to Rose and Kanaya's wedding. They had tied the knot as soon as Rose graduated from College, earning her degree is psychology and becoming a rather successful therapist. Probably the most successful out of your group of friends.

 

Vriska hadn't really put much of an reply. She had just shrugged with a simple 'maybe' and started eating her piece of cake. 

 

 **"That doesn't really matter anymore though John. Getting married means nothing now, and really... It's just a bunch of papers. It's just trouble to make a big deal out of something that's bound to happen to anybody. You get dressed up... for what? Listen to an old guy say parts of a bible I've never even read and then we kiss, and go eat food and dance. What's the point?"** She sets out two plates and cups first before glancing up at you. She looks serious... as if the subject really isn't anything special. Which you admit is true but the thought... the thought was nice.

 

 **"I suppose. But I always thought you'd look nice in a wedding dress."** You chuckle, helping her bring out the packaged muffins first.  **"Like... you'd _have_ to include your favorite color. So I always imagined something like blue laced sleeves or something like that. And it would be short, because I know how much you hate wearing ball gowns and stuff. And your veil would be blue too, and you'd make all the guy's where blue bowties. The cake would have eight layers and half would be chocolate, and the other vanilla because you can never choose between the two. You'll manage to get some sort of pirate theme in the party room and have fake spiders as our lovely table decor." **You laughed, your smiling growing wide.

 

You set one muffin on both your plates while she pours the kool-aid into your cups. You make a weird excited breathy inhale when you find gushers at the bottom and take all four packets for yourself. Vriska gives you a look but doesn't comment on your dorkiness.  **"I guess I would look pretty good. But I mean... It's nothing now. Rings will just get dirty or lost. We really shouldn't put all the food we've been bringing in to celebrate the fact that we're just a level up from boyfriend and girlfriend. You know?"**

 

 **"Yeah... So it's the celebration you wouldn't want?"** You could see why. Her older sister and her fought a lot and mainly kept apart so not to start anything. Her mother always saw her as a disappointment because of her actions. Whether it was fights at school, grades, who she hung out with. Her family never looked at her as an accomplishment. More like... a mistake.  **"No rings. No parties. No papers. Why don't we just say we're married then?"**

 

You open up the first pack of gushers and eat all the red one's first while waiting for her answer. Then the green one's. The two blue gushers... now you're on the second pack.  **"Vriska?"** She's still quiet as she takes little bites from her muffin. Until finally after a whole two minutes after she gives a nod of her head.

 

 **"Yeah. We're married. C'mere hubby."** She sets the muffin down and pounces on you, giggling both of you end up falling and there grass and twigs stuck in your hair now. All that tradition stuff wasn't needed. This was just perfect. Nothing feot different and that's what you wanted. No pressure, or second thoughts. She was still your girl.

 

  **"Wait, now that we like... upgraded from being boyfriend and girlfriend- does this mean we need actual responsibilities now? Like it's now your responsibility to make sure your poor husband is supplied with gushers?"** You laugh as she rolls her eye's and scoots back to her spot.

 

 **"That's it. It's official; I'm now stuck with the dorkiest boy known to man as my significant other. Soooooooo typical of a love story huh? You're the quirky one and I'm the emotionless spider-bitch right? I think how most of these things end is 'I change for the better' and we 'ride off into the sunset'."** She smirks, taking a drink of her kool-aid when the doors open up.

 

Two girls enter, laughing rather loudly, making you wince when you hear a few disturbed groans outside the wall. You look towards them and sigh- it's Aranea and Meenah. Well, Meenah was okay. Sorta. She did try to use you as a sacrifice twice but if it weren't for your mad skills as dodging her attempts to trip or push you back, you wouldn't be here. 

 

You were offended at first. Okay, you were pissed. But under stress and having to pick what was right could be confusing. So... you guess she was forgiven? Aranea on the other hand was a total bitch. Too smart for her own good and very clever. You saw traits of her in Vriska whenever she got mad but... You were glad she was different. For the most part.

 

 Neither of you gave her any attention though. She had this way of acting so sweet and making everything sound like nothing was wrong when really... she was extremely self-centered. Egomaniacal, if you wanted to use big words like Rose. 

 

 **"Hey lil' guppies! Aww, havin' a picnic all too ya selves. Cute."** Meenah strode over and sneered, and you sighed.  **"'Ranea come ovah here. Don't you wanna have a nice lunch wit' your baby sis?"** She helped herself on the sheet, pulling Aranea down with her when she approached next. She gave a few tugs at her dress before looking at you. The last thing you wanted was to have a conversation with her. Or either of them really.

 

 **"So John, won't you be serving us? Not polite to keep us waiting."** She gives you the sweetest, fakest smile that makes you want to gag. But even so, you refuse to move. You toss the now empty wrappers into the basket and clear your throat, glancing at your now-sorta-wife.

 

**"This was sort of supposed to just be a date for me and Vriska. Sorry guys, but we only have enough for the two of us-"**

 

 **"Thas' alright! Sharin' is caring ain't it?"** Meenah reached for your plate, but recoiled with a hiss as Vriska slapped her hand away. Oh shit. Oh.  _Shit._

 

 **"Get. The fuck. Out of here. Can't a couple ah' newly weds have their meal in peace? Jegus, have some manners. I expected _so_ much more from you Aranea. Especially since even our own, dearest mother is probably rolling in her rotting casket because of this behavior. So...  _unprofessional_."**  She flashed you a smile and reached over with a napkin, brushing it against the corner of your mouth.  **"You're so messy with food, seriously."**

 

You can't help but continue to stare at the other two, clearly speechless until Aranea begins to stand up.  **"Babe, where ya goin'? Fuck... hey!"** She shot up, and dragged the other girl back, glaring down at Vriska. If looks could kill...  **"What the fuck? That was fuckin' cold, Serk. You coulda asked us to leave in the first place ya know. Dayum."**

 

Vriska clenched her fist, standing up and getting just inches away from Meenah's face.  **"No."**

 

**"Now, guy's c'mon. Let's try to be reasonable about this! I mean isn't this a little bit old now? Why do you even bother trying to talk to us anyways? You know it always ends up in fighting. So you really have no reason to get emotional since this was obviously going to happen- no. No, Aranea, stop crying. I know fake tears when I see them."**

 

As a master in pranking, it was all too easy seeing through the crocodile tears. She grumbled something and wiped her cheeks with her palm, taking her sister by the wrist and starting to pull her away. You couldn't tell what was said through the string of curses and constant shouts about letting go, but you and Meenah didn't hesitate to follow.  **"Serk, where the Hell you bringin' her?"**

 

You felt really uncomfortable about getting in the middle of that. You didn't want to hurt anybody- especially a girl. It just didn't seem right to you. That's why when Meenah tried to pry Aranea's steal tight grip on your wife, you were partially relieved. That was, until it proved useless and the four of you were now at one of the stone walls, where Aranea swung her arm forward and the loud  _crunch_ of Vriska's shoulder meeting concrete made your blood boil. 

 

You were about to pounce forward- kick this bitches ass and throw her out to the side of the curb half-dead. But Meenah held you back. Your pulse was roaring through your ears and pounding against every vein in your body. You continued trying to fight to her, try to protect her. From over Meenah's shoulder you saw them beating into each other. How was she not doing anything?! Her back was to the fight but didn't she know when enough was enough?

 

 _ **"Let'em settle it out. Let'em settle it out."**_ You think that's what she was saying. But now the youngest if the two had the upper hand. Her hands on her older sisters throat, clenching her teeth. There were blood on her knuckles, a split lip and what looked like a broken nose. The one so far losing had it much worse. Already bruises and welts covered every visible part of her body. But then...

 

_Shink._

 

That little fucker had a knife.

 

 **"NO!"** You don't know how or where it came from, but a quick punch and Meenah was now out of your way. You took Aranea by the collar of her dress and hauled her up, spitting in her barely-conscious face and standing up on the bench against the wall. The adrenaline rushed through your veins and the energy it gave you made her feel like a feather as you hoisted her up the wall, hearing the joyful thud of her fall.

 

A few more grumbles and and hisses came closer. A scream was cut off with the sound of flesh ripping and you left to see just how bad that... traitor, had her.

 

 **"Vriska?"** You knelt down beside her, putting her head in your lap and brushing a few strands of hair from her face. You gave her a kiss on the nose, blocking out the kife embedded in her chest. You felt for a pulse but... nothing was there.

 

You didn't cry. You didn't cry when you heard voices, asking what was going on. You didn't cry when you explained to your sister how everything had happened. You didn't cry when Meenah punched you in the gut after waking back up, and had to be held back by Dirk, Rufioh, and Equius so she didn't kill you as well. You didn't cry when Feferi confirmed her death. 

 

You sort of just stood there. Face blank of expression while the world moved on without thought. Kankri brought out stretcher while Jane put a warm hand on your shoulder and Dave kept trying to get you to talk. Make sure you weren't going to 'go crazy on him'.

 

**"I killed her."**

 

 **"No. No, John it wasn't your fault. Just... thing's happen. No one was in the wrong but..."** Jane went quiet as Meenah stared, as if daring her to place the blame on them. 

 

 **"No I mean... Aranea. I just... pulled her over the wall and... without even trying. I... I'm not sure what that means."** Didn't that make him bad too? 

 

**"John, you did it for... the better. Bro, you were protecting her. I don't see why she wouldn't let you break it up or herself. Seems pretty odd but... that's called consequence. For her actions, not yours."**

 

**"I still lost my wife."**

 

He didn't have an explanation for that. While telling your story, when those present had heard of the little unofficial marriage they didn't know how to react. They couldn't be happy, because she was dead now. But why would someone be sad after finding out they were now? So no one said anything, and just waited for you to get to the next part. 

 

She was wheeled back inside, where Feferi promised to clean her up as fast she could before nightfall. This included making sure she wouldn't come back as something else... 

 

 **"Do you need anything John?"** Dave held you gently by the chin, making sure there was eye contact when you spoke. But you didn't want to talk anymore. So a shake of your head was given and they gave you a quick hug before spreading out, giving you a bit more time to yourself and walking inside.

 

You just stood there, looking down at the ground and clenching your fists. This wasn't supposed to happen... Why did they ruin everything? All he wanted was a fun little date... something to be happy and excited for. 

 

 **"John?"** You looked up to see Terezi slowly approaching you, a few items in her hands. Meenah was pacing on the other side, glancing toward you every now and then.  **"John I'm really sorry... She was my best friend. I just thought maybe we could like, go down memory lane a bit. I saw a few of my colleagues did this in Law Enforcement whenever their partner was killed."**

 

She pushed down on your shoulder a little, and you sat down while she placed out the items. One was a silver coin, one side held seven dots while the other only had one. She noted your interest in that first, and began with the predictable beginning of some sort of memory.  

 

**"There were several more of these. She'd always lose them and have to order more, but only have eight on her all the time. In seventh grade we played this awesome RPG game. Sort of like Dungeons and Dragons but way cooler. We would play with a few neighborhood kid's like Tav and another girl we used to hang out with. Well... she sort of bullied them a bit but anyways- we'd go to each other's house's all the time until freshman year. Not long after she met you it all kinda stopped..."**

 

She handed you the coin, which you kindly accepted and studied it for a while, sighing. The small little dips in the silver kept your thumb busy as you felt along the details. Obviously worn from so much use. You could never really see yourself as being that kind of kid that played game's like that. More of an action or puzzle kind of guy, no matter how bad at them you were.

 

 **"What kind of character did she have?"** You ask, bringing the coin back to the pile until she stopped you, pushing your hand back as if to say 'Keep it'. 

 

**"We were on a Pirate Ship crew. We were Team Scourge and the others were Team Charge. She based her a lot on her mom which looking back on it now was... kind of sad considering how much her mother ignored and brushed her off. She was a hella lot meaner in game too."**

 

**"Oh."**

 

It's silent for a few more minutes. Sinking into the mall bits of backstory that hadn't been told to you before.  **"Why'd you keep the coin?"** Seemed a little odd. You only knew Terezi was the only other person besides yourself that Vriska could actually get along with. But that was after graduating high school, you didn't even know they interacted beforehand.

 

 **"Well after you guy's started dating, it was like her token of goodbye. She taped a note on it; I forget what it said but whenever I got real sad... I'd look at it and feel a little bit better. I kept it because that's also what made us meet up again when I went into college. Latula went through my room while I was packing and found it, so I decided to call her and that's how we started talking again."** She had a weak smile on her face and looked to the next item.

 

She seemed a lot younger. It was actually kind of cute- short hair, nerdy glasses. She was in a some fairy costume next to... Tavros? You didn't know he used to be in a wheelchair... He didn't always have prosthetics? Wait. You fuckhead they didn't make prosthetics as good as they do now back then. Back... about sixteen years ago. Fuck do you feel old... Anyways, Terezi was on the other side, wearing a dragon hoodie with a frustrated Karkat, a good four inches shorter wearing plastic armor. Definitely Karkat because no one else was albino that you knew, and that signature clumped, messy hair gave it away even more.

 

**"This was at my Halloween party in fourth grade. Her and Tav were like that normal 'It's complicated' relationship, but they never really dated. It was more like... she hung out with him because no one else would and because he really didn't have anyone else, he put up with her. But yeah, we were adorable little shits then."**

 

You gave a little chuckle, picking up the picture and staring at it for a while. They all had red-eye from the flash and you could see the cute little dimples on her face. The awkward smile from Tavros with Vriska's arm around him. Terezi's fiendish grin as she stuck out her tongue while an irritated Karkat was clearly trying to pull away.

 

You looked up from the picture, ready to move onto the next story until you noticed Terezi's face go red and start to sniffle.  **"Hey, hey 'Tee. It'll be... okay."** No it wouldn't. It was so obvious that 'okay' wouldn't happen. But it was worth a try to help comfort her and yourself. If not only to pretend it will be fine. You reach your hand out to her, which she takes and you pull her closer. You wrap her up in a hug and she nuzzles into your shoulder, choking up another sob.

 

 **"It's just... sad. I really thought she'd be one of the few to out live this whole thing. She could have survived... She was supposed to."** She holds onto your jacket, letting out a slow shuddering breath while you try and offer some comfort by bringing your hands through her hair. Vriska always liked when you played with her hair. It was some weird girl thing but helped calm things down really quick.

 

 **"I know. I know... You can be sad with me."** You find that Meenah isn't there anymore. Good; she didn't need to see any if this. She was just as guilty... wasn't she? She hadn't let you stop anything, didn't that mean her involvement was just as bad as Aranea's? No. No need to think like that Egbert. Just focus on the crying girl in your lap.

 

 

You don't recall how long you two have been like that. But you do notice that sound of a lot more activity going on outside the walls. Probably because of the body you more or less dumped out there. Besides that though, it's getting dark and you only know how long you can hold back from seeing Vriska before it's time to bury her. You want to bury her right where the picnic was. The last good moment's you had.

 

 **"Terezi...?"** She's asleep. 

 

You lean over and scoop up the rest of the objects she brought out, and carry her inside. The hospital is quiet, and when you walk into the Main Lobby you see Dave talking to his sister Rose. When the door shuts Terezi barely responds, but it makes the two blondes in the room look up.

 

Dave shoots up from his seat and takes the girl, giving you a weak smile before walking away. They disappear out into the stairway before you can even ask where everyone is. Thankfully, Rose approaches you next, seeming to read your mind.

 

**"Everyone's doing their own thing... we gave our respects and last wishes after Feferi cleaned her up. Few weren't present for some reason but... I'm really sorry John. We all know you did the right thing. What Aranea did was terrible; while you could have handled it better... Honestly I don't believe her fate would have changed any other way.**

 

**"We more or less had a group discussion on it. What you did actually scared a few other's but Jade stood up for you. With my theory, we would have ended up forcing Aranea to leave if she had been able to overpower you and get away. And with nothing to defend herself with or food... she wouldn't have lasted long.**

 

**"Not to mention that if we did this, Meenah would definitely had left with her and that group we're trying to stay away from could have picked them up and, well... done some not-so-friendly things. It was vited you will stay but it's recommended I have a few sessions with you a week. I'm doing so with Meenah and she's even agreed that even Aranea had taken it just too far and didn't agree with her killing Vriska. No one really had to die today... It just... happens. I'm so sorry it happened to you."**

 

She put a hand on your shoulder and gave a small hug, pushing your hair out of your eye's with a pitied smile. You didn't want pity but... You couldn't say that. They just didn't know how you mourn.

 

**"Feferi is in the room we usually have checkups in. Hallway A, room 12. Don't worry, it just looks like she's sleeping. She put a lot of work into making sure no injuries showed. And Kanaya even helped with the make-up. She's still beautiful."**

 

She always was.

 

You murmur a thanks and begin to walk away. It's almost completely dark besides the dull flickering of lights above. Again, most the energy from the panels going to keeping the place warm and the freezers cold. As well as the lights in the rooms. That guy sure was an awesome technician. Working from cars, to election wires... his cousin did a lot too. 

 

 **"Oh, John! There you are. She's right over here."** When you entered the room, Vriska was still on the stretcher. The side of her head bandaged, probably where Feferi had made the wound so she wouldn't come back. Her glasses were still on and she was huddled in a thick white sheet. Her face was dusted with a gold bronze that made her look livelier. But you suppose that was the point. She had eyeshadow on- her favorite shade of blue. She doesn't have her lipstick on but that's okay. Seeing it would probably make you mad... It was only perfect when she put it on herseld. No one could get the little curve at the end of theur lips like she did.

 

Her cheeks were dusted in a soft pink blush and you noticed that Kanaya had even clipped in her eyebrow piercing. She looked even more haunted than before though. Maybe it's because you know the truth. That she's dead, and you won't ever hear that voice again. Her laugh whenever you pulled even the corniest of pranks. That smirk she'd give you whenever she was planning something devious. The strange stares whenever you gave a weird reaction to things like Betty Crocker products, Gushers, Fedoras, and shaving cream. The faraway look she got when you watched Nick Cages movies. 

 

Nothing but images in your own head now.

 

 **"I'll take her out now."** You look up, and Feferi gives you a nod. She clings a bit tighter to her clipboard before clearing her throat and exiting. Probably going to check up on the new guy again.

 

You start to bring your late wife back outside. The picnic basket and blanket are still layed out. It's pitch black outside the light source from the moon and there's just enough to see a few feet in front of you. You clean up first, putting everything neatly into the basket and take the shovel next to where Jades garden was (on the whole other side) and begin to dig.

 

And you dig. And dig. And dig. And dig.

 

You're not sure how long, but when it's at the acceptable size, width, and appropriate length of how far down, the clouds are beginning to clear up to a milky color. It goes about a whole foot and a half deep, since six would have only been needed if put into a proper casket. But that wasn't the case right now.

 

You fold the blanket over her face after giving her one last kiss on the forehead, and make sure no space is left where dirt could slip through and get onto her. She's bundled up and it reminds you of the time you two had wrapped yourself up like caterpillars in blankets and would watch Netflix for hours.

 

It brings a smile to your face. You put her down gently, and stand up straight. You take a deep breath and begin to shovel the dirt back over her. There's thunder booming a few miles away, and it's almost like the sky is crying for you. You can't cry, even in the ost depressing of moments. Like when your dad passed away when you were thirteen; nothing. Or when your Nana kicked the bucket just weeks after neeting Vriska; nothing. You just couldn't cry. Just keep a poker face until something distracted you.

 

By the time it started raining, you had already finished up and had kneeled down and stared. You didn't want to get up. But your sister and friend were having none of that, even if you were already soaked and not a single part of you was dry.

 

 **"John! C'mon, you're not getting a cold. Come inside."** Jade helped pull you up and Bec circled you a few time's. Karkat stood a few feet away with the stretcher, and brought it inside as Jade led you through the doors. You were shivering, but you didn't feel cold. You were soon wrapped in towels and blankets, and brought to your bed. You didn't respond to anything though. You were like a doll, letting yourself be dragged along this way and that.

 

Jade had taken off your clothes and put on a fresh shirt and pair of sweats. She refused to put your boxers on so that you did yourself but took much longer than needed. You were now in your bed, hugging Vriska's pillow tightly as Karkat and Jade sat in the corner of your room  talking amongst themselves. You didn't bother listening to them, you just felt tired.

 

So. So tired. Maybe if you just fell asleep for long enough, none of this would happen. Even better- you wouldn't have to wake up and see your wife's absense from your side. If only.


	13. Inner Conflict and Romance don't Mix

Closing the door quietly behind you, a slow heavy sigh leaves your lips and you rub your eye's. After a whole hour of walking around, having some small talk with Jade about the intricate relationship between cats and dogs, it had officially become noon and you now stood in front of Kurloz's door as planned. 

 

You managed to briefly explain the previous days events to Horuss, who was skeptical about you leavintg the hospital, but had agreed to help you guys leave. Hotwiring on of the cars in Parking lot C where it was empty, as well as bringing extra gas and other supplies into the trunk that Rufioh helped him sneak out. 

 

As the door handle clicked, you stepped back and watched as Kurloz stepped out a guilty, apologetic look on his face.  **"Thanks for giv-"**

 

 **"I'm doing this for myself. This has nothing to do with us. I don't _want_ there to be an 'us'. And I would really appreciate if we could just... Get this over with now. Please." **You weren't having that bullshit, you just wanted to get an official goodbye to home and be on your way. **  
**

 

He seemed to finally understand that you weren't playing around anymore, nodding his head and beginning to walk down the hallway. You followed behind, Horuss's jacket still around you and keeping you comfortably warm. You stuffed your hands into the pockets and followed him down the stairs to the fourth wing, where Parking lot C was and slowly opened the door. Rufoh stood there next to the car, smiling at the two of you. He patted Kurloz on the back and placed a friendly kiss to the top of your head. 

 

 **"Be safe, doll. You don't come back Horuss is gonna go crazier than a dog on 'roids."** He chuckled, tossing the keys to Kurloz and disappearing inside. Good thing you left that note on your friends desk. He shouldn't expect you back until early tomorrow morning, considering you might not be able to come back during the night. 

 

Getting into the car, it hummed to life and Kurloz held onto the steering wheel tightly, pulling out of the lot and starting his way down the road. For the most oart everything was silent. Giving the occasional direction to go, along with the small bumps in the road causing whatever supplies in the back to tumble around a little. 

 

You looked outside the window, frowning at the undead stumbling forms that appeared every now and then. It seemed like most of the crowd had moved about, maybe wandered to another part of town. Hopefully. 

 

 **"Right here, the white house with the red mailbox."** Slowly pulling to a stop in front of the house, you bit the inside of your cheek and took a deep breath. Closing your eyes for a few moments, you opened the door and waited for Kurloz to take everything out of the trunk before going up the steps, pulling out your pistol and slowly opening the door. Glancing around, you sighed with relief seeing the house still empty. 

 

The Sun was just beginning to set, and while on a normal day you would have water it until the stars cane out- this was not a normal day. And you were definitely not in the mood to do anything but get your things and return to the hospital.

 

Kurloz quietly closed the door behind him, motioning for him to lock it, you began to walk further into the room. Sitting on the couch, relaxing into the dusty pillows, tears burned the corners of your eyes again. Quickly wiping them away, you picked up one of the framed pictures on the coffee table, hugging it to your chest and leaning back again.

 

The picture contained you, your mother, father, and Nepeta. It was a week before your dad had died from cancer, the last whole family photo you took. Your dad was lying in the hospital bed, tubes hooked all around him and holding your cousin in his lap. You stood on one side and your mother on the other, huddled all close together and smiling cheerfully. 

 

 Too bad three weeks later you'd be watching him lowered in a coffin and buried for the rest of your life? Unable to feel his hugs anymore, or hear his laughs. You had been twelve at the time, and Nepeta was six. She didn't quite understand and even later on was still unsure about her feelings of his death. 

 

 **"Hey, who's this?"** Kurloz picked up another picture off the counter in the kitchen behind you, tilting his head and looking your way. 

 

 **"That's me and Kankri. It was the day before he moved away."** You placed the picture in your hands back onto the table and stood up, walking to his side and pointing at the picture.  **"When we were dating, we loved going to this seafood place. When he had to move though, we had to breakup. So as a little friend-date we went there one last time before he had too go."** You smile fondly at the memory, and look down at the floor. Closing your eyes, you can just hear the faint chirps of the birds outside the window, Kankri laughing across from you and the friendly chatter of other guests around you. The smell of shrimp and grilled salmon...

 

Opening your eyes again, Kurloz was starting at you oddly, shaking his head with a chuckle.  **"Nice... I didn't know you liked seafood. Wish I could've brought you there..."**

 

_Instead you wasted your money getting us high and deteriorating our lives. Thanks._

 

With a mere shrug of your shoulders, you start picking things out from the bags that Horuss had packed up. A box of crackers, four water bottles, a few cases of apple sauce. Good enough, not that you were really planning on eating much anyways. You just wanted to be home for a while...

 

 **"You want a tour?"** You ask, looking at him with a blank expression. He nods his head, smiling and following you down the hall.  **"First door on the left is the bathroom, just in case... Um right here across from it is the washroom."** You opened the door and walked inside, the smell of dryer sheets just dulling the dusty smell of the air. You remember the countless times you and Nepeta had done laundry here. Singing obnoxiously and laughing as you shared the days crazy events. 

 

Clearing your throat, you walked back out and went into the first bedroom. The guest bedroom; where Horuss or Equius had stayed whenever they slept over. Most of the time Equius went to bed with Nepeta- which your mother had frowned upon when you two still lived with her. But honestly, you knew Nepeta could handle herself, not to mention Equius would never even advance on her like that at all. They were kind of like you and Horuss at times.

 

 **"You can stay in here tonight... Or if you prefer the couch I guess. Up to you, really."**  He shrugged, nodding his head and looking away from you. His hand was hodimng onto his silver pendant tightly, and for a moment you felt bad for snapping at him before. Giving him the silent treatment... Okay more than a moment. More like the whole rest of the tour.

 

_No, no, no , no! What am I doing? He was the one that hurt me and... Ruined everything for me... Everything is his fault!_

 

You tried desperately to justify yourself, but it was useless. You know in the situation it took two to tango- back then, in your wild teenage years, you had been the one to consent in taking those drugs. Sure he bought them and asked; initiating your moves but... You could have said no any time you wanted.

 

Ugh, why did you have to be so stupid...!

 

You realize Kurloz had been staring at you during your self conflict and arguing inside youhead. A weak smile lifts at the edges of his lips and he tilts his head at you. **"You alright, Meu?"**

 

 **"Yeah... Fine. I'm just really..."** You trail off in your sentence, turning away from him and biting your nail as you lose yourself in thought again. It was just weird... Having him in your home. After vowing to not even look his way if you ever saw him again and to not fall for any of his tricks... Maybe it was because you were in denial? You had just as much involvement to your addiction as he did, didn't you?

 

The felt of arms wrapping around you made you tense, but hearing Kurloz's low chuckle, his breath hitting against your neck caused you to relax. **"You keep staring off into space, sure you're okay?"** His chin rests on your shoulder and you press back into him, biting your lip. 

 

 **"N-No... I'm not..."** You say hesitantly, heart racing in your chest as he goes silent. For once, you don't know what's going to happen. What he'll do, or what will happen. 

 

But what you don't expect, is tears. At first you think its just your eyes burning from the dust in the house. But then as you feel hot tears streaming down your cheeks, you give an audible sob and almost immediately, Kurloz turns you around and hugs you tightly. 

 

You hold onto his jacket tightly while rubs your back slowly, placing kisses to the top of your head and remaining silent. Its comforting, and surprisingly, you're perfectly okay that he's the one you're letting see you cry.

 

 

You don't remember how or when, but when you open your eyes again the both of you are on the couch. Curled up in his lap, and him looking just about ready to nod off. When you move though he looks down at you, and gives you that gentle smile of his.

 

Without a second of hesitation you place your hand over his cheek, and reach forward to kiss him. The cold metal of his lip piercings against your lips cause a soft hum to rumble in your chest, and you pull him down with you across the couch. At first you can catch that he's rather awkward, and well... Hesitant. His reciprocation is a bit slower than you would have first thought but once he's hovering over you, he finally starts to return the affection.

 

You bite his lip teasingly and giggle at his sharp inhale, but your little victory didn't last long when a hand slides to your hip and his tongue presses against your neck. You curse under your breath and he laughs, his fingers ghosting over your pelvic bone and dipping into the curve of your stomach. 

 

Still rather thin from the months of malnourishment and then division of food supplies, you feel self conscious of yourself up until the point where he starts sucking at the side of your neck. He still knows all the places that make you squirm and spill out gasps and moans for him. It was kind of embarrassing, where as you only vaguely knew of where his spots were. So long of trying to forget him, and you actually had for a majority...

 

 **"K-Kurloz...! Ah-!"** His teeth dig into your collar bone and you cry out, muffling yourself into the shoulder of his jacket so nothing outside would hear you. When his hand starts pushing passed your jeans, you take his wrist and pull it up further, giving him a brief scolding look. You weren't ready to get... That intimate. Hell you didn't even know why you were doing this now!

 

Well, maybe that was a lie. Perhaps you, may or may not had wanted this? Well either way it was happening and you definitely weren't complaining.

 

After the quick correction, Kurloz had smoothly recovered. Keeping his hand at your side and occasionally digging his nails into your soft skin as he brought bruises along your neck and around your chest. 

 

He was panting loudly, and you could feel the heat of his arousal press against yours. You part your lips again to moan, and he reaches up to kiss you again, pressing his tongue against your own.

 

He moans your name into your lips, pushing his hips down into yours and scratching at your sides. You feel hot all over and shift beneath him as he continues dipping his waist to your own and using the friction of the fabric to both of your own benefits. 

 

 **"Kurloz... Kurloz I- stop.. Please..."** Bad idea, bad idea. Okay... Maybe you weren't ready... Definitely too fast that was for sure. At least for you. 

 

Looking up, you expect to see disappointment from him. Maybe anger for getting him so worked up for nothing. Instead, he's merely staring at you with sympathy. He takes his hands off of you and clears his throat, starting to get up.  **"Sorry I... Probably should have held back a little..."** Surprisingly, he looks guilty.

 

Grabbing his hand before he could walk away, you quickly shake your head.  **"No! No, not at all. I'm just- I'm not ready yet and I thought I was. I'm sorry."** He sits next to you again, and you smile, nuzzling into his shoulder. Hugging his side and kissing up and down his cheek. **"I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have blamed everything on you... I should have tried to let us get help together."**

 

Kurloz slowly cards his hand through your hair, his free arm around your waist, pulling you into his lap once more and leans down so you're laying together.  **"Nah kitten... It was fucked up for me to do that. You don't need to be sorry none."** He smiles, kissing your forehead. Before you could object again he cups your cheeks and hushes you, and chuckles. His eyes were dull with drowsiness again and you consider just going to the bedroom. But then again... You are really comfortable as you are too...

 

With a small smile, hold onto his hand and tuck your head under head chin, letting him hold you close to your chest and fall asleep together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone call for a crappy ending??? Whoo!! Anyways after months of procrastination here's the vomit I've managed to spill for you. Its not that great of a chapter and I'm really sorry :( next one will actually be relevant to the plot!!!


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